Sky Blue Pink Gal

2010 A Year in Review

2010-12-28T15:14:00.003-07:00

I didn’t have the inspiration or my act together well enough this year to include a family letter in with our Christmas card. Of course now they have been sent and inspiration has hit. Go figure.

I didn’t want to write a trite, “Everything is so wonderful” letter when in actuality, although this year has been truly wonderful, it also truly exhausting, difficult, sad, and frustrating too. Few people want to read about that though.

As I type I am sitting in beautiful Estes Park, CO in a quiet condo, watching the Big Thompson flow outside our balcony. The peace and serenity is just what I needed. I know in a few minutes Steve and the kids will burst through the door, back from a walk and life will get loud and goofy again and I love that too! But for now this is the perfect place for me to sit and look back over our year. Well almost perfect – it could use a little snow!

This over-running theme for 2010 has been “Growth.”. I have grown immensely as a wife, mother, friend and even business-woman - something I never pictured myself doing. Our kids have grown into (usually) delightful young people. Zachary has had to learn some hard lessons himself and has matured in ways I was not ready for him to have to experience just yet. Kendall has also grown and become much more in control of herself and her actions, and also learned that sometimes friendships can be fickle and painful. Ellie has become even more independent and confident, and is also learning how to be a good friend and responsible student as she started Kindergarten this year. We are very proud to brag they are all in accelerated math and reading groups and so thankful for a school that lets them grow and explore to their full potential!

During these past 12 months we have had to bear witness to unspeakable pain and heartbreak for too many of our friends and family. We have carried our own burdens and struggles within our family as well. We have had joys and challenges, laughs and tears, and countless memories to carry us on. And through it all, Steve and I have realized God has used these experiences and this year as a whole to teach us to love. We have been able to come together to make the commitment to do as God asks us to and that is simply to {love}. Time and time again I have heard His message that He is in control of everything else beyond that. It has been a very difficult but also very freeing experience! It has brought Steve and me closer together which then makes everything else run so much easier in our small family. Looking back I can now see that God has taken all of these ups and downs and weaved them together into a beautiful picture of His promise to us. It is with that faith we are truly excited to see what God has in store for us this coming year!

We have had many highs this year too. We have been able to travel a lot. Over the 4^th of July weekend we celebrated my cousin’s wedding beautiful Eagle, CO and had precious family time. Later in July and into August we went to Oklahoma to see my parents and uncles. During this trip we also went to Arkansas with my parents to dig in a diamond mine which was quite an experience! (And very hot.) From Oklahoma (I still sing while spelling that!) we went to Iowa where we celebrated Steve’s youngest sister’s wedding (to a truly wonderful man) and had some precious time with extended family. It is so wonderful to see our kids playing with their cousins and sitting with their Great-Grandparents! We were also treated to visits from both of Steve’s sisters and their families to Colorado and had a blast doing all sorts of touristy things with them in Denver! In October I went Orlando for a Juice Plus+ Leadership Conference. It was a whirlwind trip and incredibly exciting and uplifting to be with thousands of other people all working to improve people’s health and wellness. A million thanks to my mom who was able to come out and help Steve with the kids while I was gone.

I think in addition to learning to love everyone and let go of the desire to judge or be “right” (but rather righteous,) I have also learned the need for margin in my life. Space to breath, to sit, to just be, or to be able to handle unexpected issues that always seem to come up when life is at its busiest. I have loved my volunteering with my MOPS group and now as a Community Coach with MOPS International, Women to Women (a Bible study group), this kids’ school, my work with Juice Plus+ and at the retirement community, and everything else that keeps me moving, but this holiday season I over extended myself and we all felt the strain of that. I am committing 2011 to be a year of balance and discernment. Soon I will be able to leave my part-time job at the retirement community and focus on my work as a wellness educator. This social butterfly has been craving time at home, secluded from the static of the world and to do that I need to learn how to say no. That is why our time right now in Estes right now is such a blessing.

My prayer for you is that you all find margin, quiet, peace and abundant love in the coming year and beyond!

“Not to us, oh Lord, not to us, but to your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness.” Psalm 115:1

Why Do I Even Bother?

2010-08-22T20:45:00.002-06:00

OK so once again I am resorting to this blog as a tool to ~~rant~~ sort out my thoughts. Knowing that read if you wish. If you do read this through I would really appreciate any thoughts, encouragement and ideas. I guess I deserve a little “What were you thinking!?” too so if that is how you feel let that fly too. Gently.

So here is the thing. Without going into specifics, so forgive the vagueness, someone in my family who I loved and trusted hurt an important member of my family who I love dearly. There were some extenuating circumstances that added to the layers of the issue but I would rather not go too far into those. Now at this point you might be wondering “Why are you bringing this up at all?” The answer is simply… I don’t know.

Anyway, as a result of the 1^st person’s betrayal and behavior I became angry. Not just mad but like the Incredible Hulk, shirt tearing, irrational, Red Ross angry. I prayed and ask many others to pray for me too because I know the level of anger and hatred I was feeling was not right. The prayers helped but still any time I would hear about or think about this person I would loose control again and felt like I was starting all over. In one of these bad moments I rashly decided to delete this person from my Facebook list without alerting them. At the time in my anger I was thinking “To heck with them,” but now I can see how immature and hurtful I was being.

This has been months now and now the dearly loved family member and the other one are reconciling. Much has been forgiven between them and now I am put in the uncomfortable position of having that person back in my life and I am not too pleased about that. Still there is nothing I can or even should do about it. I have to support those who I love, even if I think they are putting themselves in a situation where they could be harmed again. I think it is always easier to forgive someone who hurts you directly than to forgive someone who hurts those you love. In this case this person did both and while I can forgive the offense to me, I can’t seem to completely move past the rest of it.

I have been praying a LOT for God to help me with this. The sharp edges of my anger have become smoother and the pain in my heart is duller. There is still anger and pain and mistrust there but with God’s help I know I can let that go completely.

Today I attempted to take the first steps in this. I took a somewhat bold move and wrote this person an email. Now the email was the wimpy part – the bold part was that I focused the email on asking for forgiveness from this person. I asked for forgiveness for my immaturity, for not being the friend and family member I know they needed, forgiveness even for the stupid Facebook thing. I remember a speaker at a Weekend To Remember talking about how empowering and freeing it can be to ask for forgiveness even if you were wronged too. It is not my place to point out another’s faults. I can only take care of my own. I am a sinner and I asked someone to forgive me.

Sadly I am also a sinner who is not completely in control of her emotions and I said some things that while honest and true, came across pretty harsh. It was not the right time or the right way and it totally negated all the potential good the rest of the email could have done. I do not regret what I said but rather the how and when. Ugh. It was stupid and prideful and I have no excuse.

I got back a pretty snippy reply and I tried to continue with the communication to clear things up. Sadly this person just continued to get more upset and basically told me I we never had nor will we ever have a relationship. Ouch. That stings. A lot. And not just to my pride. Although I am feeling pretty indignant too. Hey, just being honest.

So now I am torn. On one hand I want to go back again and again until they hear what I was trying to say and ~~agree with me~~ see things from my side. On another hand I want to say “Well forget you and the horse you rode in on. I was fine without you before and I will be fine without you now.” However being they are family, I know that is not really rational. It still feels good to say it out loud. And then on another hand (yeah I know it’s 3 hands. Just go with it.) I sort a wish I would have not even messed with the email and everything could go back to its dysfunctional normal.

What can I say? I am flawed. I like to be right. I am prideful and a sinner. Thank you Jesus I am saved because I surely can’t do this on my own! And I seem to have a need to prove that last point over and over again.

Save the REAL Men

2010-07-06T13:47:00.002-06:00

I try to find the positive and humor in everything. Really – life is too short to be cranky and negative even if it is totally justified and feels perversely good at the time. I have been trying to find the right way to word what is on my mind for this post because I do not want to focus on the negative and I think people don’t really want to hear it either.

Last night was my son’s last baseball game for this season. We have had such a great and fun year and were really psyched to end the year with a fun game under the lights. Sadly the other team was headed by two coaches who were so focused on winning they encouraged their boys to manipulate the rules, try to sneak playing with a weighted bat, walked our best hitter when they were already up by 5 runs, benched a boy who was not as athletic as the others, who coached a player to mow down our catcher and injured him for no reason (ball was in the outfield and they were up by 9 runs with 5 minutes left in the game), who laughed about him being injured and continued to run the bases as he rolled on the ground in pain, and then chanted “We’re #1” and sang “We are the Champions” when our coaches decided we were not going to continue to play.

As a former athlete, a mom, and just a caring human being the entire evening was so wrong on so many levels that I am still sick to my stomach. I ache for the boys on that team who think that is what baseball is all about. My heart breaks for the boy who was not encouraged to do his best and to try to improve, but rather that the only thing he could offer his teammates was to do the least damage possible. I am baffled by the parents of that team who allowed their sons to be on a team like that. I am worried about what those men must be like at home and the kind of men they are raising their sons to be. I am worried about the boy who was hurt. I am sad for our team who had to end the year with such a scary experience. I am angry that my son had to be exposed to such ugliness at such a young age and in an environment that is supposed to be a happy and safe place for him. I am still in shock and horror of the viciousness of the hit and seeing that child rolling in pain as his father (one of the assistant coaches) sat at his side trying to figure out how badly he was hurt with a full range of emotions etched on his face.

It is hard to let all of this go but I have to. I choose to. I want to focus on all the great things I saw last night in the midst of such disgusting behavior. First of all we have the best. coaches. EVER! Our coaches and boys handled themselves impeccably throughout the game and afterwards. The boys did their best to stay focused and not let the ickiness affect them. When their teammate was injured they all ran towards home plate to see if he was ok. One boy called for them to take a knee and they all did. During the game several of our boys were seen talking and being friendly with the boys on the other team. While the other team taunted our team, they ignored it. While the parents cried out our complaints, our coaches had the presence of mind to keep the boys focused on the game. While the other team pulled out all the stops, including cheating to try to win, our coaches focused on playing fair and having fun. We could have stacked the line-up, had our best pitchers on the mound and benched a couple players in an effort to score more points. We didn’t though and for that I am so thankful. When our player was injured our coaches could have yelled and swore and placed blame, but none of that would have spoken as loudly as the statement “We’re done,” did was they gathered their players to leave the field. Our boys learned a great lesson in character and regardless of the score I feel we won. I pray our coaches return next year because I want my son to have as much access to great men like these as possible. And sadly I fear they are a dying breed.

Warning - Grouchy Mommy Ahead

2010-06-21T09:33:00.006-06:00

I should be wrapped in CAUTION tape. Ever have one of those days where everything is irritating? Even air is super annoying? Not wind, just air. And local news "personalities" (if obnoxious is a personality). And Facebook Mobile. And a things touching me - like my shirt. I am in a horrible, foul, rancid mood and I am not entirely sure why (although miserable allergies and lack of sleep are suspects.) I am not sure how to fix it. I really have no point other than I somehow hope that giving words to my angst will help lessen it. And to hope someone will pray for my kids because they are stuck with my grumpy butt all day.

I highly suspect PMS - actually I seriously hope it is PMS because if not there is something seriously wrong with me which means I have to see the doctor. I hate going to the doctor. The very idea logistically drains me and makes me even more grouchy. I am one of those people that thinks I can diagnose myself as well as they can and therefore I should be able to just call in my prescriptions or whatever and cut out all those middle men/women like doctors and nurses. It may be result of being part of a huge HMO for the last 11 years which makes me talk to about 5 people and about 24 automated menus just to refill a prescription.

I am going to be doing my best to isolate myself and spare humanity from having to put up with me. But this is hard because I am a mom and I am ALWAYS surrounded by people and these people need me to be around for things like food and to remind them not to run with scissors or sit on their sister's head. I also should do this all without causing psychological scars. Plus they can't drive themselves which means I have to because we have things like swim lessons and swim team and doctor's appointments and grocery shopping. I can see why moms turn to pills - not that I condone it or want to make light of addiction at all - but let's just say the thought may have crossed my mind once or twice this morning and I can see where they may be coming from.

Alright it is 10am so I think that is late enough to dive face-first into the chocolate chips with my head in the freezer so that my kids don't see what I am doing. I still have to set a good example. Or at least try.

Why I NEED this chocolate

2010-06-12T21:10:00.006-06:00

Today was going to be a busy day. I had cancelled 2 things and still it was going to be a busy day. Because of this I planned my day accordingly:

7am - wake up and shower.

730am - get Happy up and dressed to go to work with me

745am - out the door with breakfast in hand (or maybe grab something a cute local coffee shop if I am in a good mood and we are on time.)

8am - arrive at work and be uber productive while everyone oohs and ahhs over my super sweet and well-behaved offspring (What? It could happen.)

1115am - leave work to swing by Target to buy the perfect gift (which will be on sale) and

then get to the 7 year old birthday party

12 - arrive at birthday party, help out, enjoy some time with grown ups while enjoying laughs over our adorable children who manage to have a ball playing inside and out without trashing the house, mussing up their clothes, or getting into fights or hurt.

3pm - leave party, swing by store to pick up some last minute items for dinner

4pm - arrive home to my lovely family, clean house and enjoy a quiet afternoon

Yeah. Weeeeeell - that didn't exactly happen. Here is how my day really went.

9am - wake up to screeching somewhere in my house. With blood-pressure verging on causing an aneurysm I fly into the shower half dressed while yelling at kids to stop yelling (yes I see the irony, thanks) and telling Happy to hurry up and get dressed and no I do not have time to

explain why or what to wear but that please for the love of all that is holy will you just do what I tell you just this once without 20 questions? (And the Mother of the Year award goes to....)

930am - have huge fight with husband (not epic, but pretty big)

10:00am - fly out door without breakfast, hair wet and clothes half on (for both of us)

10:15am - arrive at work (fully dressed thankyouverymuch) and proceed to attempt to salvage my morning with my sweet daughter 1 on 1 by printing out some fun coloring sheet and finding other fun things for her to do while with me at work after the sweet folk-singer is done entertaining us and the adoring residents who are sweetly singing along. Small boy finds slug on fireplace. Steps on other slug while trying to get someone to remove first slug.

10:30am - call IT guy on cell as he is spending quality time with his grandson to explain how my computer is vomiting virus and spyware warnings in-between popping up XXX images and porn advertisements and other like minded filth.

1040-11am - try not to cry. Fail. But manage to do so hiding in fax room so not to worry sweet daughter who is currently coloring on my desk with a Marks-A-Lot.

12:15pm - FLY out to birthday party which began 15 minutes ago and is 30 minutes away. Awesome.

12:45pm - arrive at party, yay! Realize we never bought a gift. To borrow a phrase from a blog I love, crap-crappity-crap-crap. Sweet gracious mom of bday boy reassures me it is OK. Darling daughter quietly freaks out, whispering frantically in my ear that she is so. totally. embarrassed.

Yeah. Me too.

1:15pm - arrive back at work to attempt to fix my demented computer. Find more slugs and worms that met an untimely demise and attempt to get Nepalese housekeepers to help. Give up and do it myself while trying not to puke. Cannot get a hold of IT guy who has stopped answering

his cellphone. Also cannot stop vile images from popping up on my screen WHICH by the way, is in full view of the front doors and lobby which is busier than Mother's Day for some unknown reason.

2:30pm - flee my computer and its nastiness to race out and buy pathetic gift from Rite Aid, load it with candy to try to make up for it, and race across town.

3:15pm - arrive late to pick up very happy and sugar high'd daughter wearing half the outfit she began with and hair all disheveled (Helen Keller pre-Anne Sullivan comes to mind.)

Luckily the sisterhood of mothers is strong and good and my sisters surround me and make me laugh without having to explain why half of my hair is sticking up, there are post-its on my elbow, and I look like I have been rode hard and put away wet and more like Helen Keller than my daughter. Or maybe Lord of the Flies or something. I am pretty sure the only reason why they let me leave with my child is because I did not smell like alcohol.

4:00pm - arrive at home, haul in a years worth of bags, papers, tissue paper, goodie bags and wrappers while Happy races in the house, slamming the door behind her. Once inside I am greeted by soggy floors (dh shampooed carpets following fight in the morning. Nice thought at least...), rain soaked dog shaking and drying himself on my newly washed carpets, and everyone asking what is for dinner.

...and this is why I NEED this chocolate. And ice cream. And 2 maybe 3 glasses of wine.

My Mother's Day Revelation

2010-05-09T12:14:00.006-06:00

About a week ago a wonderful woman I know announced a contest of sorts through her organization Xylem Family Resource. All one had to do was write a note about their favorite part of being a mom. I have been thinking about it a lot since then because I honestly could not pin down what my favorite part was. Well this morning I think I got it, even though it is too late for the contest. So I will share it here because, honestly, it is pretty awesome!

I guess in my heart and soul I have always known my favorite part of being a mom, but today is when the words came to express that. Well at least as well as words can.

I am immensely blessed when it comes to Mothers. See I have one wonderful mother, the one who I was formed in, who grew me and brought me into this world. This mother I have never met because shortly after my birth she relinquished me so that I could have a better life than what she could offer me. You see, although she came from a large, loving and supportive family, she was a student and was single. She knew the life she wanted for me was more than she could give, and that there were families out there praying for the baby she carried, who would be able to give her child everything she hoped for. That kind of love leaves a mark on someone.

And then there is my mom. The most amazing, smart, loving, funny, beautiful, faithful, God loving, wise, and kind woman I have ever known. She is the one who told me about boys, braided my hair, and taught me how to cook and how to apply mascara. She is the one my kids call Grandma and who I call when I forget a recipe or just need to talk. She grounds me and loves me exactly as I am. That kind of love changes a person.

Growing up I never felt unwanted or abandoned. My mom and dad did an amazing job telling me what little we know about my birth parents, and always told me it was out of self-sacrificing love that my birth mom gave me up. I always felt as much a part of the family as my by-birth relatives. I always felt like a gift, a miracle, and that security gave me wings.

One thing I did miss growing up was having people who looked like me. Sure my parents and brother and I have similar features, (to the point in high school I lost friends because they thought I was lying about being adopted,) but nothing like having my mother’s nose or grandpa’s chin or dad’s eyes. So when my first was born I so hoped and prayed he would look just like me. He didn’t. In truth he is nearly identical to his dad. Identical except for one thing. When Z was about a week old I noticed it. He has my hands. Wrapped around my finger was the most perfect and identical miniature version of me. I burst into tears, quickly wiping them away so I could continue to gaze at them. I think I stared at his hands for hours a day. I still marvel at them. (And my other 2 kids have my hands too!)

So what’s the point, you may be asking. Here it is. The thing I realized this morning, what is my most favorite part of being a mother, is that I get to pass on the most wonderful aspects of my mothers. From physical characteristics that may be from my birth mom, to the importance of God in my life from my mom – these are the gifts I am honored to give to my children. The immensity of my love for my children is funneled down to them from the immense love I have been given by my earthly mothers. I know what it is like to be unconditionally, intensely and unceasingly loved by women of strength and character. I pray I can live up to their example and let my kids experience that too.

I Just Want You To Like Me!

2010-04-26T10:56:00.002-06:00

Everyday on the way to and from my kids' school I drive past 2 houses that house 2 people that I don't like. I won't get into the "whys" because they do not matter. What does matter is that twice a day everyday I have to face the fact that they are there, and the uncomfortable emotions that well up inside of me. You see I used to like these 2 families. Quite a lot actually. But then something happened that tore apart those relationships and I am having a hard time getting past that. I have spent a lot of time praying that I could just get over it, forgive what needs to be forgiven, and to move on being able to genuinely wish them the best. I have made great progress in these areas and really do not miss having either of these people in my life. Still I drive past and cannot stop that bubbling up from my stomach and chest that is a strange mix of sadness and anger and something else. Self righteousness? Remorse? Shame? I can't put my finger on it. I know I don't like it though.

Today as I was returning home from the kids' school I passed house #1 and the emotions began to well up. I got frustrated with myself and began to pray for the first time that God show me why am I feeling this way? God is so good and so faithful. I finally get it. I am bothered by the fact that these people do not like me, but more so that they believe things about me that are absolutely untrue and there is nothing I can do about it!!! Eureka! Being able to finally identify it I can begin to move on.

Now I have no desire what so ever to have these people back into my life so I will not be approaching them or anything like that. No, this is something I have to do for myself and within myself. I cannot control how others think and feel about me or anything else. I have to accept that some people will just not *gasp* like me. [Deep breath, Deann. You'll be OK.]

I wish I could be the type of person who is who she is and doesn't get bothered by what others think about her. But that is not how God made me. I am bothered by being unliked and misunderstood. Not sure what to do with this revelation, but I am sure glad I have had it! And I trust as I grow in God that I will begin to focus more on Who does like me and not worry so much about everyone else. :)

2010-02-24T12:53:00.002-07:00

I am obsessed. My thoughts and emotions are consumed by my heartbreak. Too dramatic? Perhaps, but also far too true. To be honest it is difficult to find words to explain what I am thinking and feeling because I cannot even get them organized in my own head. I am scattered and distracted but also convicted that I have to do what small I can to make a positive influence. My thoughts and therefore my writing is going to be scattered and may be hard to follow. I apologize in advance.

Let me back up first. For those of you who have noticed my recent Facebook activity you probably can gather where my thoughts are. For those of you who have not, let me explain. About two weeks ago a lovely 8 year old girl, Lydia, died as a result of serious abuse from her parents, Kevin and Elizabeth Schatz. Her younger sister was hospitalized in critical condition because of the same session. I say session because through the other 7 children in the house (9 total, 6 biological, 3 adopted), we know that these beatings were a regular occurrence. The parents followed the “teachings” of the No Greater Joy “Ministries” and the founders Michael and Debi Pearl. I will not go into depth here what these two teach, but the Schatzes followed their teachings and took to beating their children with a length of plumbing tubing as a way to train their children to be sinless, which is only part of the heinous ideas the Pearls encourage. If you want to know the story in better detail I encourage you to read the blogs I have been reading, which are written by and husband and wife that knew the Schatz family – Laurie & Paul.

** Side note - I think that it is important to know all I can about things like this but I refuse to sully this blog by linking to the Pearls’ website. They are denying all responsibility for this death, for the explosion within this family and their community. It is also important to know this is not the first child to die as a result of their teachings. However, that is your choice and I will not force those evils upon you.

This story has touched me on such a deep level that I simply must act. It is like breathing – if I do not do it I will most certainly die. I have always been a tender person, sensitive, compassionate, quick to cry, and deeply feeling. I used to think this was in a flaw of mine. I would be teased by friends, family and schoolmates for crying at the drop of a hat, frequently over pains that did not directly effect me, or effected my beyond what was considered appropriate. I now know that God made me this way and that these traits are actually gifts He has given me to use to glorify Him.

But how? What am I supposed to do? As I struggle to get my thoughts organized I write. I welcome you to hear what I am thinking and offer any opinions, thoughts or whatever.

First it begins at the “teachings” from the Pearls and the churches that support their beliefs. I know that I know that I know that the idea of sinless human is an impossible and foolish idea. However there are teachers and pastors and denominations that vehemently believe and teach this – that there is some way we can earn heaven, earn God’s favor and grace by our actions and performance. The Bible plainly says otherwise again and again. “No one can come to the Father except through Me,” ring any bells? (John 14:6)

These hate filled teachings (if you can even call them that), are in my opinion born from the deepest pits of hell, are disguised as God’s plan for us and lead people to believe that our God is an angry, abusive, hateful God just waiting fo rus to mess up so he can lay into us. The exact opposite is true! He loves us! He made us just so he could love us! We are His pride, His treasure, His masterpieces! He loves us with a fierceness we cannot imagine! And my heart breaks for all the poor souls, even the Pearls, who believe otherwise.
(For proof see Romans 5:5, 8, and 8:38, 2Timothy 1:7, 1John 4:7 just to name a few.)

So I sit here, furiously typing and thinking (frustrated that I cannot match the two better,) and praying that God will reveal to me why He made me the way He did, and how He wishes me to use my gifts of tears and a servant’s-heart to His glory. I am so sad for the family, the children, their friends, and even so sad for the parents. More I am so angry at the parents, their church, the Pearls and anyone else who spreads this brand of fear, hate and lies. And in my anger I cling to these words:

" Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God--for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love has been brought to full expression through us. And God has given us his Spirit as proof that we live in him and he in us. . . And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we are like Christ here in this world. Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of judgment, and this shows that his love has not been perfected in us. "
1 John 4: 7-13, 17-18

Faith Like a Child

2009-11-23T10:30:00.006-07:00

Today E was happily playing by herself in her room. She was playing with checker pieces, stacking and counting and organizing them by their color or the Disney Princess that was on them. She was so quiet and content I became concerned and called out to her. Hearing her voice was not enough reassurance so I hurried up the stairs to SEE her. I was not worried that she was injured or into anything she shouldn't be, but she still I needed to see her. I missed her, even though she had only been away from me for a short time.

As I type this I am having a revelation. (God always uses my kids to get to me!) It makes me realize how often I am not with Him, how often I am quiet from Him and how He might feel about all this. He calls out to me to make sure I am OK. If my answer does not convince Him, He comes to me closer with a touch, a song or through a friend. He misses me and just wants me to be with Him ALL THE TIME!

A few minutes passed and E came downstairs with a game to play. It is one of those fishing games where the base spins and the fish's mouths open and you try to hook them. She and I put new batteries in it and she was off and running. After a few minutes I was able to join her and we noticed the game was spinning slowly. Then it stopped. We shut it off and then back on. Nothing. We shut it off for longer and when she turned it back on it worked. Then I noticed the smell. Anyone with toys that have small motors knows that smell. Like hot plastic or something. Not a good sign.

We finished our game with me gently helping the game spin. When we were done I explained the game was broken so we could not play it anymore. E asked if I could change the batteries. I explained to her that it was not a problem with the batteries but with the motor. "Can you change the motor?" she asked, fully confident my answer would be "Of course!" Did I tell you I did NOT graduate from MIT? Yeah. This is beyond my scope. I was so touched though by her faith in me and her honest confusion that I could not fix this. She was not upset about it, just perplexed. As I type she is still playing with the game, mixing the fish up, arranging and rearranging them in the game, and trying to spin it by hand and fish at the same time. I guess that is my cue to get off the computer and go play with my daughter some more.

I [Heart] Thanksgiving!!!

2009-11-09T21:23:00.012-07:00

For as long as I can remember, Thanksgiving has been one of my favorite holidays. As a child it was my parents that hosted all of our family and friends for dinner. Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, and friends would come over, each bringing a dish to share. Our house would be filled with talking and laughter. The kids would run around and play. If it was snowy we would sled, build snowmen and have snowball fights. Sometimes even the adults would join in! My cousin's Portuguese grandma (Vovo) would bring her fabulous pastries which we would all fight to get to first. My dad would wake up early to start his turkey, which he would slave over all day. Frequently the Sunday before we would have a Pre-Thanksgiving feast to make sure we have enough food for everyone! There was usually about 30 people in our tiny house. I can remember bringing in the old picnic table from outside just so most people could find a seat, and still we had to fight for a spot to sit down. Dad would get frustrated because everyone wanted to gather in the kitchen, but in the end always said that it was one of the best Thanksgivings ever.

Now as a parent it is such a blessing that my family has continued this tradition. My cousin and her husband host now since my parents have moved out of state. We still typically have 20-30 people there and Vovo still brings her amazing pastries.

This consistency is in thanks to my Grandpa on my mom’s side, who always instilled that family comes first. He made his six children promise to keep getting together for the holidays and that promise has since been upheld by my generation. I am so fortunate that I have this foundation on which to build my family. In troubled times I rely on legacies like these. It is one of the many things we give thanks for.

My Aunt Mary (my mom's sister. They look like twins but aren't. Their youngest brothers are though.)

Aunt Maria and her mom (Vovo )

Cousin Sarah and her handsome men, Collin and Adam

Vovo, our oldest living relative, and my cousin Ben's daughter Emily, the youngest and her Great-Granddaughter

Aunt Kathleen and Cousin Sarah (the hostess with the mostest!)

Ten Years

2009-04-20T10:14:00.004-06:00

Anniversaries are weird. Both good and bad – they are all weird. Not in a bad way but in the way they affect me. I almost always spend the entire day remembering where I was and what I was doing at this exact time. It all seems so fresh in my mind and heart.

Today is the anniversary of the Columbine High School shootings. I know the nation and even the world may be remembering this. There will be an article in the paper or a segment on the news reflecting back on what happened that day and how things have changed since.

Ten years ago today I was engaged to my husband, living in a fabulous apartment near downtown, and working at a wonderful office in Denver. I rarely thought about Columbine or the people there, even though I had graduated from there just a few years earlier. Then as a coworker came in from lunch she said that there was a shooting at a high school in Littleton. Imagine my surprise when she told me it was my typical, beige, suburban alma mater. I thought for sure it was some punk kid trying to be a “gangsta” or something. I certainly never imagined the horrors that would unfold.

My coworkers covered my duties so I could watch the news coverage in a small coffee room. I stood there in disbelief; numb as I watched SWAT teams swarm the building I spent so much time in. It had been remodeled and expanded after I graduated so I could not picture the scenarios that would unfold. All I could think about were the teachers I knew and the younger siblings of friends I thought might still be students. I quickly sent an email to one of the few friends I was still in touch with. She was stationed in South Korea and her youngest sister was a senior. I later found out that her sister was planning to work on a paper in the library but all the computers were being used. She instead headed to her other sister’s house and was leaving the front of the building as Brian and Dylan were entering the back. That makes me shudder even today.

As the details poured out and names were released I racked my brain trying to remember if the names were familiar. Then they said that a teacher was killed. Dave Sanders. Coach. He was a good man and a good teacher. I had him one semester. One of his daughters was a friend of mine. I ached for her. I saw my old theatre teacher breaking down in a student's arms and wished I was there for her too. I worried about another friend’s sister and saw her that evening on the coverage of a candlelight vigil held at my old church. That is when I first broke down and I sobbed myself to sleep.

Now ten years later I look at the clock and think about how it was just an average day. It was sunny and cool. All of those normal everyday things were happening. And in an instant that all changed. Not just for me or my high school, but for all schools in our country and so many countless people across the world.

The students graduating from high school this year were in the 2nd grade when the shooting happened. Chances are they do not remember it. They have never known a school without locked doors, closed-circuit cameras, police on campus, and lockdown drills. Their sociology books have always covered Columbine. The memorial wall always a part of their landscape.

Now as a parent I have fears my parents never had. The idea of a child planning an attack like those at Columbine, Jonesboro, and others were incomprehensible. The generation before mine sent their kids to school trusting they were safe. Their biggest worries were that their child may smoke behind the gym or skip geometry. Parents of students today send their kids to school praying the bully intervention and security measures are enough to keep their kids safe for one more day. Our hearts lurch whenever a lockdown is put into place.

I am not sure how I am going to spend the day today. Remembering. Praying. Perhaps I will venture down to Littleton. Check out the Memorial. Bring some flowers. Or just stay home and thank God for the blessings he has given me, if only for today.

A Must-Follow Blog

2009-03-05T10:10:00.002-07:00

I love to share things I find useful, interesting, and fun. This blog is no different. The author, someone I am proud to know, is so full of wisdom and grace and that shows in her writtings which are about her parenting style and techniques. Not only is she a great mom, but she is a trained educator and counselor so she knows her stuff. Her blog is new so it will not take you long to get caught up. After reading her 4 entries, I am so energized and pumped up about being a better parent to my kids! Check it out and let her (and me) know what you think!

Parenting What I Preach

Happy Blogging!

2009-03-04T18:12:00.006-07:00

Today was a normal day until...

the sky fell.

OK so not really but I, or rather my van, was abused by objects falling or from the sky courtesy of a very strong gust of wind today.

That missing piece of the sign is what fell/flew into my van. I was surprised by how heavy those things are and very thankful no body got hit by it.

Moral of the story - Upfront parking has its price.

Update

2009-02-22T22:17:00.003-07:00

At least once a day I think about something I would like to blog about. So why does it never come to fruition? Too busy? Too tired? Too forgetful? Yes Yes and Yes. But to be honest with you and myself I think the biggest reason is a theme that seems to be weaving itself throughout many areas of my life. I can sum it up in one word.

Inadequate.

I cannot pinpoint where or when this became such a huge part of my life and I am sure it is something that always was lurking. Now it has become a headliner. In talking with my friends, I know I am not alone in this. I have been praying a lot that the constant recording of "You are not *insert adjective like good, smart, talented * enough" would be replaced with the Truth. So bear with me as I struggle through this.

Fortunately our God is a gracious and loving God and has faithfully placed people and opportunities for me to work through this. The Bible Study I just finished (Taking Charge by Andy Stanley) was great and the one we are about to start sounds like it was written for me! (Amber I will get that DVD back to you soon, I promise!) I keep trying to remember what I tell my kids which is this. God made you and God does not make mistakes.

Other highlights and happenings (in bullet form because I [heart] bullet points!)

I am done homeschooling. As you may remember I was not exactly confident when we began this journey last August and so I am quite relieved it is over. The sad thing is that the rest of my family was really OK with it all. I however hated every minute of it. We got Z into a Charter School which is quite a drive from us. Z loves it so much and is so happy to be in school again and is doing really well. It has been a trick arranging how to get Z and K from school because they get out of school 5 minutes apart and are 30 miles away from each other. Since Scotty is not getting my calls to be beamed up, Steve is getting K and I am getting Z and we have a few lovely friends who offered to be back-up if we need it. This is only for the remainder of this year. Next year they will be in the same school - just not sure which school that will be. Stay tuned!
Because of our new school situation I am back on a schedule. I personally do well with the structure a schedule brings. Because Z has to be at school in the morning now, I have to get up to get him there! I set my alarm an hour before the kids need to get up so that I can have some time to myself. I LOVE being up when the rest of the world is asleep! Those who knew me in high school and college will likely question that but I swear it is the truth. I treasure that hour to sit in the pre-dawn quiet of my house to read, pray, work-out or just drink my coffee. With the rest of my day filled with chores focused on the needs of others, this time for me is precious! And I love seeing the sun-rise. I get to witness the opening of the gift of each new day! Cheesy yes but hey, that's me! I do still struggle to get to bed early though. Gotta work on that.
I have lost 8 pounds. Not many knew I was trying to loose weight and honestly I am not one for the formality of starting a diet so I didn't. What did I do? Just a few small things like not snacking before bed, paying attention to what I eat, getting more protein in my diet and working out more often. I have no set weight or size I am striving for, but I do want to be able to run a 5k and I want to fit into this cute dress I got for my cousin's wedding. I got it at a thrift store and it does not have any tags in it so I do not know the size which works with my non-goal non-diet. I'll post pictures sometime.

I think that is about it.

Mid-Week Pick-Me-Up

2009-02-05T10:30:00.001-07:00

My cousin sent this to me and it is so cute I had to share. It is only a little over a minute long. I hope you have a great day!

Yee-Haw!

2009-01-13T14:37:00.022-07:00

Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend the National Western Stock Show with my kids. After a suprise snow storm (see above!), my hubby's rushed trip to buy chains for the van, figuring out how to put them on, returning home to take them off because the roads were only wet (total I-told-you-so opportunity, which I resisted), and a very slow drive to the complex - we made it! The storm turned out to work in our favor because it seemed to have kept many people home. I hate crowds when I am with my kids. Serious anxiety attacks. But that is a blog for a different day.

Back to the four-legged fun!

Instead of giving you a play by play, I will just share a few of my many pictures.

Back-Stage with a Professional Rodeo Clown:

There is more room in there than in my old apartment!

Watching the Cowboys:

I loved the lightning bolt mark on this horse.

Petting Farm:Happy was very popular after she spilled their food in her coat and hood.

I know it doesn't look like it, but she really loved this over-sized rocking horse. I think it was me she was getting annoyed with! :)

Laughing at Others' Expense

2008-12-23T22:42:00.003-07:00

I have not been very good at reading my favorite blogs. Many, admittedly I have just marked as read. I am trying to keep up with the ones people I know in real life write, but even that is a struggle at times lately. I blame Facebook. You can too.

Tonight however I was trying to catch up a little. I had triple-digit unread entries.

Oh the humanity.

After catching up on my real-life friends I went on to my bloggy friends and came across this gem that had me falling out of my chair I was laughing so hard. I have shared her blog here before so she may be familiar to you all. This woman always brightens my day and this is why. In particular is the part about her dog. My parents have a cute wiener dog and so I could totally picture this scene.

I am still laughing! Thanks, Sarah!

Again, Merry Christmas.

FaLaLaLaLa....

2008-12-23T21:27:00.003-07:00

Do you ever have one of those moments where it seems as though God is speaking to you so clearly it is hard to breathe? I am having one of those moments so what do I do? Pray? No, I blog.

I am not sure what God is trying to speak to me. I think I am a little too excited to listen well. I am 6 years old. Maybe it is the Christmas spirit, or the music or my parents driving out tomorrow, or my {adorable} children tucked all warm in their beds. Honestly it could also be the wine I treated myself to this evening. Whatever it is, I am feeling very blessed and happy and peaceful. And again so very blessed.

WARNING! If you have small children who can read and who do not know about the big, jolly guy ask them to leave the room before continuing.

Seriously.

Now.

All clear?

OK. Z is almost 9. Honestly this may be the last year of Santa for him. He has already started asking a few questions that lead us to believe he might be catching on. Truthfully I am not the best at being sly. Even when I am trying. I suppose it is a good quality that I am a horrible liar. Just ask my parents.

ANYWAYS!

So truthfully this may be the last year that has that magic for all of my children. That innocence that tells you truly {anything} could happen. I will so miss it. I will cry. Because I am a girl and that's what I do.

I also remember being the older sibling and getting to play along to make Christmas special and magical for my little brother. Z will love that. He is just that kind of kid.

As melancholy as this could make me feel I can't because for our entire lives, and the lives of all of us, we get to celebrate the true Magic of this Season and the greatest Gift we could every hope or dream of! The Almighty Father's gift of His Son so that we could be saved. Wow. Even typing it many many years past first learning of this Gift, it still blows me away. We are so blessed to be loved with a strength that is incomprehensible to our feeble minds.

So for this year at least, we will enjoy all the magic of the big, jolly guy and the true Magic of the season.

See why I feel so blessed!

On a totally different topic...

Many of you have been praying for my cousin and her/our family. First thank you so very much. There were a few very scarry days. I wanted to let you all know she is home and recovering well. Better yet she is glad to be home and alive. We are so thankful for that and all the prayers that carried us through. We have no idea what the road ahead will be, but He does and with that we can rest peacefully. If you think on it, please keep her in your prayers.

So with that I wish you and yours a very merry and peaceful Christmas filled with love, joy and laughter. If you are traveling, please be safe. If you are hosting, please be patient and let the little things go so you can enjoy your loved ones.

This Mother's Dream

2008-12-17T23:37:00.004-07:00

Sing to the tune of I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas. Please remember I am no Anita Renfroe.

I’m dreaming of a clean kitchen
Where meals are cooked and counters clean.
Where laundry is ironed,
And I’m not so tired,
And offspring play peacefully.

I’m dreaming of a self-cleaning mirror,
And reflections that won’t make me scream.
I love the little fingers,
And the ones who own them,
But why do they have to be so greasy?

I’m dreaming of a hot shower,
That lasts long enough to rinse.
No, I don’t want to answer the phone!
May I please have just 5 minutes alone?

And now the real thing:

Take a Chill Pill

2008-12-16T17:53:00.003-07:00

I admit it. I have been avoiding blogging. Not that I figure I was that missed or anything. Truth be told I have been a bit of a grump lately and I really do not want my posts here to be a never-ending vent-fest. Positive, funny, uplifting - these are the attributes I strive for. These are things that have been missing from my attitude and actions lately and I am not sure why.

Additionally I have had the attention span of pocket lint lately. Seriously. I will get a cute idea for a post and begin forming it in my head, only to be completely distracted by something meaningless and all my cute ideas are gone in a blink. Trust me they were completely fascinating, insightful, funny and heart-warming. Honest.

I am living a chicken-and-the-egg metaphor as well. I am not sure which happens first but a daily snowball wrecks havoc on our home in a never ending volley of my kids not listening to me or being mean to each other and me repeating myself and yelling and threatening to ground them for all eternity. Whichever is the initiator the end result is always the same - yelling, crying, big sighs, big threats, regrets, and guilt - and then my unsuspecting hubby comes home and is ambushed.

Wow, so this turned into more of a vent that I had wanted. And in true ADD fashion I have forgotten the point I wanted this post to be about so instead of rambling until I find a point I guess I will just end this here. Aren't you glad you stopped by?

2008-12-03T18:36:00.003-07:00

Have you heard of a new video game called Spore Creatures? Chances are if you have a boy around 8 years old who enjoys video games in your life you have because according to my own 8 ¾ year old, video-game-loving son, it is the latest and greatest. It is also #2 on his Christmas wish list. From what I can understand, it is a game where you can create your own ameba-monster looking creatures. I am not sure what you do with them after that.

A few times a day I hear how “cool” this game is and how much he hopes he gets it and the plans he has to earn and save money to buy it should he not get it. In the meantime however, my sweet and creative boy has invented a game he and his sister can play by drawing their own creatures. It is so sweet to watch them playing well and getting along. Especially these two! At times the youngest of our three gets in on the action. Right now as I type this, the three of them are laying on their stomachs on the floor in a circle drawing and discussing their “guy.” I would take a picture but have lost my camera (sob) so you will just have to imagine the sheer and utter uber cuteness of this scene.

What I Have Learned

2008-11-19T14:31:00.002-07:00

I had intended to post pictures from last Friday when we FINALLY got our first snow. If you could even call it a snow - maybe a 1/4 inch on the grass. Still it was enough for my son to wake me up the the anticipated "MOM! It snowed!" and for my kids to bundle up in their snow pants, coats, hats, boots, mittens, scarves - which honestly took long to put on and take off then they were out playing. All this will have to wait however because I have more pressing matters on my heart at this moment.

In the recent past I have to admit I felt like my life was a house of cards and it was tumbling around me. I felt like each time I was certainly at my breaking point and could not take one more thing, God would hand me something new and usually stressful or negative or even devastating. I have cried out on my knees so many times I have callouses. I have learned to not expect prayers to be answered or for me to be able to see the reason for hardships. Still I am human and I hope God continues to be patient with my temper-tantrums.

So today I had a choice to make. I could sit at home on my couch with my blanket and veg out in my depression and cry the day away I honestly I have done for more hours then I will ever admit to over the past days, weeks, months... you get the picture. Or I could take advantage of the BEAUTIFUL day we had been blessed with and take my kids to the park. Oh what the sunshine and fresh air did for not just my mood but my clarity as well.

So here are things I have learned or am learning:

NEVER say you are at your wits end, cannot take any more, at the end of your rope, give up, or other such fatalistic things. God will always prove you wrong.
I am not a patient person. I loose it quickly and gain it back slowly.
I sigh way too much and way too loud and over very little things.
If I start my day off with prayer and return to it frequently, I am much happier and a WAY better mom.
I speak without thinking way too often. Especially to those closest to me.
I need to stop and pray more often.
I need my "me" time. I need quiet solitude sometimes, and companionship others.
If I do not get my me time my patience is seriously depleted and I already do not have any to spare. See # 2.
Coffee is a very good thing.
I have a lot of love to give.
Once I am deeply hurt it is very hard for me to heal and forgive and trust again. Even if the hurt comes from someone I am very close to.
I cannot heal and forgive without God's help.
For that matter I cannot do anything without God!
Crying is good for the soul. Chances are if you cannot stop it, it shouldn't be stopped.
I am so blessed to have such an amazing family - both traditional and friends.
Just because I cannot feel Him, it does not mean I am alone.
Money cannot buy happiness but a cute bag or pair of shoes does make me happy!
That kind of happiness does not last.
I know where true happiness comes from.
Happiness is a lot of work!
Being your authentic self is hard but so much better than the alternative. This one I am learning as a self-confessed people-pleaser. Luckily I have wonderful examples in my life.
I am a family girl and being separated from them (immediate and extended) is very hard on me.
I struggle with contentment. See #2o
Sometimes raising your voice is acceptable but it should not be the go-to response.. unless there is a fire.
Saying "I'm sorry" is not a sign of weakness but of great strength and can teach a child more than any amount of schooling or yelling ever could.
Saying "no" is sometimes a very good thing.
Do not get into the habit of saying "no" all the time.
Surprise bubble gum is a very good thing!
Parents who succeed and enjoy homeschooling are a great wonder of the world. I am not one of them. Again see #2.
My kids are totally awesome!

There is so much more I have learned and that I am currently learning. Right now though I have to go get my daughter from school and maybe a latte on the way home for me. Coffee makes me happy too!

More Birthday Pictures

2008-11-13T23:06:00.014-07:00

Another round of cake & ice cream, presents and a big robotic mouse couldn't hold a candle (hah!) to the joy of celebrating 6 years of Happy-ness!

A new scooter!

She told me she filled her basket with dandelion stems because she could not find any beautiful flowers on our street. Well honey, it is November.

I love this expression!

So admittedly I am not the most technologically savvy and apparently not the best videographer because I filmed this sideways. To my defense I did think I would be able to rotate it. Watch it anyways though because it is really cute!

I Want Snow!

2008-11-13T22:45:00.002-07:00

I may regret this in a month or so but right now, at 10:45 pm on Thursday, November 13th in the foothills of Colorado I am ready for the first snow of the season. It has not happened yet! I heard the latest first snowfall for the Denver Metro area on record is Nov. 22nd so we it will be unlikely to beat the record but I guess it could happen. I can see it in the high country and may have to take the kids out to find some if we do not get our own soon just to get my fix.

I am so thankful for what the unseasonably warm weather has brought to us. We have not had to pack away summer clothes yet, although our closets and drawers are over flowing with two seasons' wourth of clothes in them. Our dog has not been neglected, having plenty of time playing with the kids in the yard and going on long walks. The other day my two fair skinned kids actually got a little pink to their cheeks that was not from cold or wind burn!

Still I am ready for the chill in the air right before it snows. The joy in my children's voices when they wake up to fresh snow outside. Building snowmen and Snow Blobs. The crunch really cold snow makes when you walk on it. Quietly sitting with a hot chocolate watchin the snow fall outside. Watching my dog race through the snow, throwing it in the air with his nose and just being plain hilarious!

Yep, I want snow.

Pictures

2008-11-12T00:22:00.011-07:00

Look who is 4!

Here posing with her birthday cookies she shared with her MOPPETS class.

After opening presents we went to E's shoice for dinner which of course was Chuck E. Cheese.

Here she is trying to kick Barney off of her ride.

I love this kid!

E & Mom riding a rollercoaster ride that was really pretty fun!

E and Dad playing Deal or No Deal.

Had to see the mouse which still sort of freaks E out.

Me too, honey.

I don't know what her father is thinking but I see no resemblance between her and I.

Back home for cake and ice cream!

I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

2008-11-11T22:39:00.003-07:00

I have had a lot of things on my heart and mind lately that I have felt compleled to share, but each time I tried I just sounded like I was venting. No one deserves to hear that! Tonight I was blessed with two blogs I read regularly that said what was on my heart. I am not going to link to them though because then I came across this lovely post from another favorite blog of mine. This put everything into perspective for me so I am just going to put it down for I may have to pick it up again tomorrow. God bless you, bloggy friends. Sweet dreams.

Happy Birthday, Happy!

2008-11-09T20:21:00.002-07:00

Today I celebrated the 6th birthday of my darling daughter. My sweet second born baby and first born daughter. She is the answer to my prayer to have a sibling for our son, and a child that looked like me. She is also the answer to the curse of my mother that I should have a child just like me one day! She is a caring, dramatic, excitable, intense, and a very happy girl who is full of surprises and more than I ever hoped for in a daughter. It is such an honor to watch her grow!

Being who I am I have to share her birth story. I will try to keep it shorter than her sister's was.

We tried for 6 months to get pregnant. We had just decided to stop trying and were getting used to and even a little excited about the fact that we might have only one child when I found out I was pregnant. That was her first of many surprises! My pregnancy was miserable. I had hyper-mobile joints and a bulging disk in my lower back on top of the typical pregnancy related aches and pains like sciatica (both sides). I was never happier to go into labor as I was when I woke up the day after her due date.

I woke up early in the morning, just as the sun was rising. My parents were visiting and I could hear them in the living room so I joined them. We hung out for a couple of hours while we got ready and I sat on my birth ball making sure I was in true labor. Then we called our doula and headed to the hospital.

The drive was terrible. Every bump hurt like mad and I kept telling Steve to stop it. Sadly he could not magically flatten the road or something. What's up with that? Luckily is was Saturday morning so traffic was not a problem as we swerved across town to the hospital. It was a glorious morning. Bright, sunny, cool and crisp - just as I envisioned it every time I visualized her birth.

I had a cesarean with Z 2 1/2 years earlier so I was already considered "high risk." I did a ton of research and became a doula in that time so I was prepared to fight for my VBAC. Fortunately my nurse was awesome and quickly put my mind at ease. My room was HUGE! Wall to wall windows lined the wall and I had a beautiful view of the trees and old homes that surround the hospital. Again it was just as I had visualized. We cranked up the music as I walked and danced around. I wanted to stay as far away from the bed as possible! For the first time in about 6 months my hip, back and other body parts were not in pain. I felt great! My mom showed up and a little while later my brother, his wife and my son arrived. For about 2 hours it was a party! Around noon my brother and his wife took Z out to lunch and I tried relaxing in the tub. Honestly I hated sitting still and being by myself so I got out pretty quick. That is when things changed.

I got very chilled getting out of the tub and it took me a while to dry my hair and get warm. I hate being cold and having wet hair. At the same time my contractions suddenly became a lot more intense. At some point my doctor came in and said I was complete but she did not urge me to start pushing and allowed my baby to descend naturally. I spent the next hour trying different chairs and positions, trying to get comfortable. Everyone was so supportive and loving. Eventually I chose to try the bed. All the dancing earlier wore me out!

Lots of pushing, lots of pain - pain I had never fathomed. My baby was not moving down. I thought something was wrong and started to get scared. I felt tears stinging my eyes but also felt if I began crying I would not stop and that would waste my energy. "Suck it up, Deann!" I scolded myself and pulled myself together. The doctor began to seem a little worried. At one point when I had been pushing for about 2 hours my doctor said if things did not start progressing I would have to have another cesarean. My mom said it looked like something inside me snapped. A few more huge pushes and my baby had moved a lot. "She has hair!" someone said. Before long her head was born - oh how glorious that felt! (Turns out her hand was up on her cheek while I was pushing which is why it was so slow and painful.) One more push and her tiny body was born.

Now I always thought that at this moment I would be flooded with love and something priceless and poetic would flood from my lips filled with a mother's undying love. In reality my first thought was that her head looked like a woman's softball - it was perfectly and totally round!. That and she looked nothing like my son - like she wasn't even mine. I laughed out loud and grabbed her, pulling her to my chest where we were covered with blankets and left alone for 2 priceless hours. She made a small cry when first born but then was so quiet and still. Her eyes took everything in. It was amazing.

Minutes after she was born my son was brought in. He quietly came up beside me in bed. At first he whispered so quietly you couldn't hear him but then he gently said "Hi Baby." She lifted and turned her head to look at him with a look of recognition. It blew me away.

Happy Hollow-weeny!

2008-11-06T10:49:00.003-07:00

I forget which child I heard say this but it still makes me giggle to this day.

Halloween is not my favorite holiday, if you can even call it a holiday, but that is a different discussion for a different day. It does, however, fall in my favorite time of year so I do love it. I love talking with my kids as they try to decide what to be and then trying to hunt down the perfect costume.

Z wanted to be a Storm Trooper or Clone Trooper. I forget which but that is OK because I found out they are the same thing. Who knew? That was a simple purchase at Target but not at all creative or fun for me. Steve had fun finding him a blaster to go with the costume though. It must be a boy thing ... but at least he accessorises!

K wanted to be Sandy from Grease. We have watched this movie about 3 times a week if not more for the last month or so. When it is not on the TV my kids are singing and reenacting scenes. It was cute for the first few weeks. Now I am so over it.

I loved the idea of my little beauty dressed in a cute poodle skirt so I was very excited about this. I remember when my mom made me a poodle skirt one year and I loved it! Unfortunately my little angel did not want to be the Sandy Cheerleader, or Sandy at the Dance, or even just plain cute Sandy in a poodle skirt. No, she wanted to be Sandy from the end of the movie. You know, the one in the leather jacket, skin tight pants, red high heels and way too much make-up. Sexy Sandy. *wimper*

I figured there was no way I would find all the pieces but did the Mommy thing and tried. I was amazed to find a like-new almost-leather jacket at the thrift store for just a few bucks that I actually think she will wear again. I tried to poof her hair up a little more and let her wear some lipstick (which was the same color as her lips naturally) and plain black pants. It wasn't perfect or what she had in mind but she liked it and it was age appropriate!

E was my most creative this year. She wanted to be the blue fairy from Veggie Tales An Easter Carol. I figured I would have no problem finding a blue dress at the thrift store and then some simple angel wings. No luck. I did find a decent fairy costume that E agreed would work.

They still turned out pretty cute though, doncha think?

And even better - for the first time in our children's lives their costumes did not have to be covered up by their snow pants, coats, boots, gloves, hats, etc.

It was a busy week with all the Halloween festivities and E's birthday, which I will share pictures from soon.

30 Hours and Counting...

2008-11-03T12:59:00.005-07:00

Signs the presidential race has gone on too long.

Hearing the following from your young children:
"I am Z. S. and I approve this message. GET OUT OF MY ROOM!"
Sigh. "John McCain - I just don't care."

Walking through the book store the other day my 5 year old was able to recognize both candidates and recognized Sarah Palin as "that lady who works for John McCain."

Our new car game is counting Obama vs. McCain stickers or signs on people's yards.

If you have not already done so, please get out and vote! If you live near me I will watch your children so you can get out to the polls. If you do not live near me get together with your neighbor, friend, classroom parent, spouse, parent, whoever, and arrange some way to get out and vote. If you do not vote then you forfeit your right to complain about any choices the elected officials make... but you still have to live with them.

And Finally the Conclusion

2008-10-31T12:44:00.002-06:00

Thank you Ina May Gaskin for including the Sphincter Law in your Guide to Childbirth because it was this that I thought of at this moment and which probably saved me a lot of pain. (yeah – that part I edited.)

“The baby is coming.” I calmly shared with my panic-stricken EMT.

“We’ll be at the hospital soon. Just hold on. Don’t push.” He said.

Yeah right. Again if you have given birth vaginally, especially naturally, you will identify this statement as ludicrous because the human body cannot control the natural mechanism known as ejection reflex. I did not even really understand it yet although I was about to.

Another contraction hit as they lifted me into the ambulance and the baby began to crown. Again I told them the baby was coming and again they said to hold on. I think my next thought was something helpful like “Idiots.” I hope I only though that…

The doors to the ambulance closed and they made Steve get in the passengers seat. Suddenly I felt the strangest and most wonderful sensation I have ever felt. It was like all the power in the universe was being pulled into a swirling ball at the top of my belly. Time slowed down to a crawl… sound was muffled and soft like coming from a far distance… the sun had not risen over the trees just yet so the light was still soft. No sooner had I noticed all this when time sped up suddenly and I managed to get out “He’s coming!” (Remember, I was having a boy because I said so.)

They put the ambulance in drive.

Whoosh!

“He’s here!”

Slam the ambulance back in park.

“What?!” came from four mouths and directions.

Yes, in one contraction my baby was born. No pushing. No head first, then shoulders, etc.

It was 7:10am. Just over 2 ½ hours from when I was sure I was in labor.

I could not get the seat belts off fast enough as I pulled at the sheets. One EMT grabbed my baby and told us we had a girl.

What?! Lemme see that.

He began to towel her off really roughly. I kept fighting my clothes and the stupid gurney and sheets and telling him to give her to me. I knew getting her skin to skin was the best way to calm and warm her but he wouldn’t give her to me. Jerk.

Finally he handed her to me. At this time my mom and son’s sweet face popped up in the windows of the ambulance and I yelled “It’s a girl!” Steve is still in the passenger seat, twisting around trying to see his daughter.

Eventually we hit the road. As we turned onto the highway heading west to the hospital, I could see the sunrise just over the eastern horizon. It was so beautiful.

Once at the hospital we were both checked out and fine.

It is interesting to my how this, my quickest labor and easiest birth, when typed out is my longest birth story. Someday I will post my other stories. Right now my fingers are tired and I have a big girl I need to go love on and cuddle with while she is still small enough to let me!

More of the Story

2008-10-29T23:12:00.004-06:00

Here is the second installment of the story I began about my youngest daughter’s birth. I tried to edit it but seriously how can a mother edit one of the best days of her life that is still so vivid it could have happened this morning?! So read on with the warning that this may be a serious dose of TMI!

Jump forward a week and I am now officially beyond tired of being pregnant. I was over my kidney stone and ready to give birth. On Oct. 27th there was a full Harvest moon and an eclipse so I figured the astronomy was in my favor. Steve was out with friends so I took the kids out for Taco Bell (mine covered in Fire sauce) after walking around the mall for a couple of hours. Plus a storm was moving in. I had my bases covered. It had to happen.

And it did!

Around 1:10am I woke up to a decent contraction. I called my mom and we decided to wait it out so she did not have to make the drive for another no-show. I got in the shower to see if they would stop. They were much less when I got out so I called my mom and told her to go back to sleep. At 4:30am I woke up to another good contraction. Hmmm… this might be it! I called my mom again and she hit the road. I waited until 5:00 before I woke up Steve so he could get ready. I was afraid to jinx it! I waited a while longer and then called my doula to give her the heads up.

The contractions were really smooth and consistent and I felt great. Steve was anxious to get going but I was not feeling ready to go to the hospital yet. My mom arrived right around 6:30am. The plan was for her to stay with the kids while we went to the hospital but once she got there I wanted her with me. The contractions were stronger at this time but still bearable as long as I was in a good position. We decided to go to the hospital but only after we called my cousin over so that my mom could meet us at the hospital in about a half hour.

Once in our van I realized we might have waited too long. A huge contraction hit as we were backing down the driveway. It was completely different from any I had felt to this point. I grabbed Steve and yelled “STOP!” Baby was coming and was coming now! I had to get back in the house. All I could think of what if my water broke in my new van with leather seats.

The van was too close to the car in our driveway for me to get out so Steve came and actually tilted the van enough for me to get out. It was one of those crazy, adrenaline moments I guess. I was so impressed!

Steve called 911 on his cell while my mom helped me get back into the house. All I was thinking was to get to my kitchen (off my carpet and hardwood floors), and what I needed my mom to get for the birth. I am not the neat freak in typical situations but apparently in birth I am. All my doula and midwife assistant training I suppose.

Meanwhile the 911 operator was asking Steve a bunch of questions but all I heard was

“Yes, she knows the baby is coming.”
“Yes, she is sure.”
“No they are coming really fast… maybe every 30-60 seconds or so”
“No, this in our third baby.”
“She knows what she is talking about here. She is a professional doula”
How cute!

Around this time my son came downstairs. Very calmly I explained between contractions that the baby was coming really soon so the paramedics are coming to help and that he needed to stay on the couch and out of the way. He curled up on the couch, looking over the arm watching me. So cute! Another time I will go into how we prepared our kids for the births of their siblings but he knew what was going on and why.

Then my water broke. It was not clear so I became a little worried. Steve told the 911 operator who did not seem to understand what meconium is. Great.

We live a few blocks from the firehouse and could hear the sirens but my contractions were coming and I was not sure they would make it. All I wanted was their oxygen tanks – the rest I could do on my own!

The paramedics arrived and were nearly frantic about getting me off my hands-and-knees on my kitchen floor and onto the gurney. From my perspective the gurney was about 4 feet off the floor and I had a human trying to exit my body – were they serious? At this point I decided to ignore the paramedics.

Several minutes and contractions passed when the only female paramedic suggested lowering the gurney. I liked her. Until she asked me to get on my back.

Now I do not know if either of you reading this have ever given birth naturally but in most cases moving at this stage in labor, and especially getting on your back, is ridiculous if not impossible. I tried so hard to convince them to leave me alone but frankly I was a little preoccupied and they were sure they could get me to the hospital. I relented and worked my way onto their stupid gurney but on my side. In my mind’s eye I imagine I looked like Cleopatra with seatbelts… go with it.

Keep in mind by now it is about 7:00am so all of my neighbors and up, getting their morning paper, starting their day… except today when they were greeted by a fire truck and ambulance with lights blazing and a moaning neighbor being wheeled across her driveway. This was my thought as another contraction hit and I felt my baby move waaaay down.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Well I am going to leave you hanging again because this is already really long but also because I am a brat like that.

Memories...

2008-10-27T22:39:00.008-06:00

Well my prayers and pleads did not stop the clock so in just a few short hours my baby will turn 4. * sob weep moan *

OK. Now that I think I have most of that out of my system for, oh, say the next 20 minutes.

My mind is wandering back to what I was doing 4 years ago today. It is a terrific story really (not that I am biased or anything) so grab a cup of tea and settle in for a heart-warming and wonderfully weaved tale of the strength of the human spirit and a mother’s love.

Alright, alright. Maybe that is over stating things a little. Still I hope you read on.

It all started a couple days before Valentine’s Day in 2004 when I was complaining to a friend on the phone about how tired I had felt lately. She asked if I might be pregnant.

What?

No!

Well….

So the next day I took a test in the bathroom of Target. Pathetic I know, but I could not wait until I got home. Almost immediately two lines showed up and I began to laugh out loud. I am not sure what the other women in the bathroom thought about that, but my 15 month old daughter looked at me like I was crazy.

The next day was Valentine’s Day. Steve, the kids and I were walking in an event I had organized to raise awareness on cesarean sections and VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Before we left the house I gave Steve a cute Valentine’s Day card. Then I gave him this one…

He was stunned. Even Z who was almost 4 at this time wondered what was going on. We had just begun discussing if we would add to our family. Steve instantly said he thought it would be another girl. As the day went on he got more used to this surprise blessing and the planning began!

My due date was October 21, 2004. It was a Thursday and because my other two children were born on Saturdays I just figured my baby would be born on Saturday as well. Ah, the joy of blissful delusion. On that that note I also thought I was having a boy. No, we did not find out during the ultrasound, but I had a strong feeling. OK, I’ll be honest. I actually felt we were having a girl but I really wanted another boy so I just stuck with that because we all know the mother’s desire is what determines the sex, right. No?

The afternoon of my due date I took my 4 and almost 2 year old to Sonic for lunch. On the drive I began to feel some contractions. I had felt many Braxton hicks contractions throughout this pregnancy and these were different. Instead of eating there, we got our lunch to go and headed home. On the way I called my doula, just to give her the heads up, and my mom, so she could make the 3 hour trip to our house. Oh and of course I called Steve! I think…

As the afternoon progressed so did my contractions. By mid evening I was having a lot of back pain and could not get comfortable, so we headed to the hospital. Long story short the pain became excruciating, I was not behaving very lady like, and was ready for this kid to COME OUT!

But I was only 1 cm dilated!!!

What?!

So we waited another hour while I continued with my aforementioned behaviors and still no change. And to make matters even more perfect – the contractions were not registering on the monitor so they wanted to kick me out. Around this time I remember asking Steve to get me another c-section because I could not keep going. My other two labors were nothing like this and I was scared. Then it occurred to somebody (probably me) that the pain was not going away in-between contractions and was localized in my right lower back. To be honest it felt like a large piece of rebar was stabbing me through the kidney.

Through all of this my doctor seemed so unconcerned with this. Something about the screams from the next room being a lady having a baby or something. Whatever. I WAS IN PAIN! Fix me!

Eventually I got a shot of morphine. They must have thought this was going to shut me up and get me out. No. It just gave me enough relief that I could talk and tell them exactly why I was not leaving. After another shot and a few labs they figured I probably had a kidney infection and I begrudgingly left with antibiotics and pain pills but no baby.

:(

Side note – it turned out to be a kidney stone and yes it is worse than childbirth.

This us already very long so tune in next time for the conclusion of this amazing tale of the ages.

A Walking Contradiction

2008-10-26T21:58:00.003-06:00

OK so just mere days ago I was wishing time would speed up. Now I want to take it back. Please oh please Lord make time stop! Or at least slow down. A lot.

Why this sudden change of heart?

My sweet baby is turning 4 on Tuesday. That is not "baby" anymore. Not even toddler. That is, well, ... girl! I am not ready to have big kids! All of my denial over this fact is being spent pretending her older brother and sister are not 8 and almost 6 and in 3rd grade and Kindergarten. Oh why do they have to grow up?

To make matters worse my darling baby has hit the "FOURS." Some kids hit the terrible twos, for others it is the terrible threes. She did not have either. It has been almost four years of mostly easy-going bliss. Now she has this attitude and my-oh-my what an attitude she has. This switch has been very sudden and just drives home the fact that she is growing up and I do not have a baby anymore. *tear* Pray for me! And my poor hubby who has a snotty 4-year-old and an emotional wreck of a wife.

Is it Nov. 4th yet?

2008-10-24T23:19:00.003-06:00

I do not mean to complain even though I know I am but seriously can Nov. 4th get here any slower? I am tired of the constant commercials of the candidates, the issues, the amendments, and the non-stop commentary over every thing they say or do. It comes down to one thing - you cannot believe a word of it as truth. Everything is a spin. Even the things I hear that I like I know are a spin and need to be taken with a grain of salt (whatever that means).

Even more then all that I am at my limit with all the bickering and obsessing over these four individual's personal lives. Not the big stuff that matters mind you, their character should be examined very carefully. For example, the thing I think that pushed me over the edge was the hoopla over Sarah Palin's Newsweek cover photo. Yes I know that is weeks ago and off the radar but I am behind in my blogging so bear with me. Some people complained it was unflattering because it showed she has crows feet. For crying out loud she has 5 children! I would love to look as "bad" as they said she looks and I only have 3 kinds and I am not in the very stressful arena of politics.

All I can say is thank you Mr. Tivo for allowing me to record anything I may possibly want to watch so I can skip though the commercials. Nov. 5th you cannot come fast enough.

Clouds

2008-10-21T17:06:00.006-06:00

It is a little known fact about me but I am a total weather bug. I should have been a meteorologist. Coulda woulda shoulda.

Anyway...

Today's clouds have me all excited! They looked so strange and threatening. It has been raining on and off today and the mountains beyond the foothill west of Boulder seem to have been swallowed by The Nothing. I took this picture this afternoon:

(disclaimer: these were taken on my camera phone so do not expect high quality!)

Pretty incredible isn't it?! Funny thing is that we got only a tiny rainstorm from this cloud and the parking lot we were in was actually quite sunny! At about 11 o'clock you can even see some blue sky pointing through! You gotta love Colorado and its schizophrenic weather. From fog to sun to rain to sun to wind to who-knows-what! That is just today and it is only 5pm!

Now it is all cloudy and cold looking outside so I think I am going to make some hot cocoa!

Yum!

Oh, here are a couple other great cloud pictures I took a while ago for all you closet-weather-lovers out there!

A Beautiful Day

2008-10-07T21:55:00.013-06:00

Hmmm... Christmas Card?

No E is not pulling up her pants. She was walking with her hands on her hips in a huff. Heaven help me.

In my opinion there is nothing better than a lovely autumn day with my family and my camera. Sunday I got to spend the entire day with my family up in the mountains looking at the changing leaves.

I cannot remember a year when the aspens were so explosive with color! The golds, reds, and oranges just took my breath away! Sure it was a little rainy but that did not stop us from running around and celebrating how creative our God is!

Go God!

New Favorite

2008-10-01T18:18:00.003-06:00

Having a bad day? This site is sure to cheer you up. I was definitely ROFL! I have seen a few of these pictures and captions in emails before but there are hundreds more! Enjoy!

Can You See The Hand of God?

2008-09-30T15:58:00.003-06:00

I can.

This is my cousins truck following it hitting a pole at 60 MPH. She was driving home from work late the other night, got too close to a curb, over corrected and hit a pole. (She had not been drinking.) The officers on scene said had she been just inches more to the right it probably would have killed her.

See where God laid his hand?

Hmmmm... Something to Ponder

2008-09-28T00:42:00.005-06:00

I know I have said a few times before that I am not a political person. I truly believe that is so. That being said I keep finding very interesting and at times disturbing tidbits in my hours of insomnia. Some I don't even bother posting because of the fear that this friendly and light-hearted blog becoming serious and heavy.

So I keep hearing about this debate over off-shore drilling. One guy says its the solution to all our problems, another says it will be the demise of our ecosystems or something (did I mention I think I have ADD? yeah - can't make it though most articles or anything else for that matter. Good times.) So I did a search on it which sent me to a bazillion different places and articles but this is the one I had not heard much on and found the most interesting and believable (and it was pretty short - relatively. Yea for me!)

To be transparent I want to add that I am an Obama supporter but willing to be open-minded to all the issues out there. I went into this search of mine looking for the truth behind this issue/debate, not to find material to support one candidate over another. I think that is why I like this article - it does not let either candidate or their position appear flawless or perfect.

The Truth About Off-Shore Drilling by Michael Schwartz
Dean Baker of Truthout recently published a wonderful article about McCain's plan for oil drilling off the Florida coast.
Baker makes three very important points about this plan.
First, there is simply not enough oil there to make any kind of difference in terms of the energy crisis: "The Energy Information Agency (EIA) projects that if we go the drilling route, we could hit peak production of 200,000 barrels a day by 2030." This is a trivial quantity, amounting to about 0.2% of the world's production at that time, and about 1% of the U.S. consumption right now. It would increase domestic production by less than 3%. So offshore drilling would do nothing at all to reduce the price of oil or to "reduce dependency on foreign oil," to invoke everyone's favorite slogan.
Second, Baker makes the point that the media has severely distorted the debate between McCain and Obama:
"The media have portrayed the disagreement between Senators Obama and McCain as to whether to allow drilling in the currently protected offshore areas as a question of values. Senator Obama values the environment, while Senator McCain wants to bring down energy prices and promote economic growth."
This portrayal of the debate is a complete misrepresentation, since "McCain's plan will have no measurable impact on the price of oil or on economic growth. In other words, Senator McCain is willing to jeopardize the environment in these protected areas for nothing."
Finally, Baker makes this telling point, that there are easy-to-execute conservation measures that would do far more to reduce the oil crunch:
"There are alternatives to drilling for oil in environmentally sensitive areas that can produce real results. Conservation is the most obvious.... Suppose we raised average fuel efficiency to 40 MPG by 2030; this would save us more than 5 million barrels of oil per day, 25 times as much as we would get from Senator McCain's offshore drilling. Since many cars sold today already get more than 40 MPG, this is hardly an unrealistic target. Wherever we set our targets, the simple arithmetic shows that it is far easier to have an impact on oil markets through conservation than drilling in environmentally sensitive areas."
Baker did not, however, ask this question: Why would McCain advocate such a plan, instead of the straightforward conservation measures that are much better?
There are two answers to this question.
First, though McCain's plan for off shore drilling will not ease the energy crisis, it is a dandy piece of patronage for the oil industry. Halliburton and other oil service companies will get huge contracts to drill there, while the big distributors (Exxon and the gang) will be able to make very nice profits from extracting and selling the 200,000 barrels per day. (Profits from this amount of oil could easily exceed three billion dollars per year). The fact that taxpayers will foot the bill for government support of the project (including guarding the platforms, protecting them from weather, etc) and then pay the environmental price of its impact is of no never mind to McCain, since he can depend on the media to portray these expenses as the price we pay for alleviating the oil crisis.
Second, McCain does not want to impose 40 mpg on auto manufacturers because this would cut into their profitability by forcing them to develop hybrid and alternate fuel automobiles. These are expensive and problematic projects that the manufacturers know would cut into their already fragile profits. McCain, for his part, does not want to make the already struggling auto manufactuers "take one for the team." The same goes for all the other conservation measures (like cogeneration, which would reduce manufacturing profits, or insulation, which would reduce housing contractor profits).
The big point is this. During the energy crisis, Washington is conducting "politics as usual": exploiting public alarm to enact destructive policies that are profitable to a key corporate clients, and avoiding constructive policies that would probably reduce the profits of key corporate clients.
And let's keep this in mind. Though Obama has demurred on the off shore drilling scam, he has signed on to many others, including subsidizing shale oil extraction that could take down the Rocky Mountains, while remaining totally silent on key conservation measures.
What can we learn from all this? One lesson is that policies relating to the big problems facing our country turn out to be deeply entangled with the loyalty of government officials to the short term profits of the biggest corporations. Another lesson is that government officials can depend on the media to help them "justify" their service to industries by concealing the real impact of their policies.

All Aboard!

2008-09-27T23:17:00.011-06:00

Last week E and I got to have our special Mommy & Me Date, or as E calls it, our "play day." I think she means play date but leaves off the "t" and since she is my youngest and I am not ready for her to grow up anymore I refuse to correct her speech. Or let anyone else correct it for that matter.

So the two of us went to spend a day with Thomas the Tank Engine, one of her favorites. She is my only child who has gotten into Thomas and His Friends and I have to admit I have really enjoyed this with her. So last Sunday the two of us headed off to the Colorado Railroad Museum to ride Thomas and meet Sir Topham Hat. Sadly Sir Topham Hat had left for the day by the time we got there. What's up with that? She did however get to ride a big bus from the parking lot to the rail yard which was very exciting. Here are some of the other highlights for us.

Seeing Thomas for the first time

The train conductor

A picture with Thomas!!!

OK so this one needs some explaining. As we waited to get the above picture taken E asked if she could take a picture of Thomas. I handed her my camera thinking she meant the big engine we were about 4 feet from. Nope.

Playing, er I mean working on the big engine

How she does her "worker"

My favorite

What is Going On????

2008-09-18T10:05:00.011-06:00

Obama Waffles? Seriously?! Have you seen this? This has my blood boiling and my mind racing. It is all over the news and Internet so I am sure you have seen it by now.

Not only is this disgusting, offensive, bigoted and sets our society back about 50 years, but it further perpetuates the belief that Christians are all of these things because these horrible things were sold at Focus on the Family's Values Voters Summit in Washington, DC this past weekend. Values? Really? These are not my values! I am so infuriated I cannot hardly put my thoughts together.

I am not a political person. I learn what I need to know to vote for the candidates and issues I care about but I do not have the mind or patience get too in-depth. Shallow maybe. Please don't lynch me!

I am however a human and a Christian. There is nothing more important in my mind than being kind and caring for the other humans who share this earth with us. If I remember right the Bible tells us God created each of us equally. He loves each of us? Judge not least you be judged? Any of this ringin' and bells?

Regardless of your beliefs or whatever no one has the right to be so cruel. I expect more, much much much more than this from the religious leaders in our world. They are to be examples right? The ones we look to? The ones who represent us to the world? Or is that too old fashioned? Does that only apply to non-election years? Or just for the ones who look and talk like us? Give me a break.

This is How I Roll

2008-09-18T10:05:00.006-06:00

Check me out.

I am so gangsta. In my minivan.

I think its a good look for me.

whadya think?

In case you cannot read it, my bling reads "50 cent." Do people still say "bling?" And it spins like those spinner hubcaps! It really is something to behold. You would have to see it in person to truly appreciate its beauty.

I am obligated, er I mean proud to wear this fine piece of jewelry because it is a gift from my son. He and his dad had their boy's date the other night and went to a restaurant/arcade where my son won this for me in one of those claw games. He was so proud of himself for winning me this amazing prize. I wish I could have captured his face as he gave it to me and told me how he won it - it was priceless! To make me even more proud of him, he used the majority of his tickets won from his games on matching stuffed kitty-cats for his sisters, each in their favorite color and only got a couple very small trinkets for himself. I do not know what we have done right. This kid is awesome.

Oh Yeah, I Have a Blog!

2008-09-14T23:54:00.005-06:00

OK so I didn't really forget. The past days (weeks, months, years...) have been very demanding for me. Not that I am complaining. I really did not have anything to blog about anyway, at least not that I could keep in my head long enough to get them typed out anyway.

Tonight I had 46 entries to read according to my Reader. That is a personal record for me. I read most of them, and skimmed a few. And in case you are wondering of course I read and savored every word of yours. Honest.

Tonight as I caught up on emails, blogs, facebook, etc I was also half-watching My Big Redneck Wedding on the Country Music channel CMT. This show is hilarious. It made me reminisce about my own wedding which was 9 years ago this month. I began typing it out but it was very rambling so it will have to wait for another day. I need to go to bed!

We Interupt This Light-Hearted Blog for the Following Message

2008-09-05T14:54:00.004-06:00

This is totally not what I had thought about talking about until I was waiting in the pharmacy (for an hour with three antsy kids btw… not that I am bitter or anything) and read about this in a magazine. Now I am not a very good environmentalist and I would make a terrible activist, but this got my blood pressure up and I knew I had to share. I am not trying to be political but this is one of the many issues we need to be educated on, know where we stand and where our candidate-of-choice stands before we cast our vote in less than 2 months. And please please do not just listen the the barrage of commercials we cannot escape from. Go to the candidates' websites and see where they really stand and what they are going to do in their own words.

We now return you to your previously scheduled blog.

Meme Love

2008-09-03T22:30:00.006-06:00

This is my first MEME or Meme (what do I know) and I thought it was fun. I saw it here. If you choose to use it let me know so I can get to know more about you!

What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now? Steve has a Neutrogena bar, I have a grapefruit gel with moisturizing beads and the kids'
Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? Yep!
What would you change about your living room? My couch. This poor thing has been well used and is about to fall apart. Well, fall apart more...
Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? Dirty
What is in your fridge? Enough food to feed a family for weeks - leftovers galore
White or wheat bread? Whole wheat only, much to my family's dismay
What is on top of your refrigerator? A partial carton of peaches, 3 cookies, a bowl of fruit (bananas that will now be used for bread and an apple to be exact) and a lazy Susan that has gum, sharpies, odds and ends and dust. Ew.
What color or design is on your shower curtain? No curtains, just old, ugly doors. :(
How many plants are in your home? 7 very sturdy and resilient, neglected plants
Is your bed made right now? Amazingly yes! Even more so - I did it! No joke!
Comet or Soft Scrub? Ummm... not sure.
Your closet organized? Mostly
Can you describe your flashlight? Um... what?
Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home? plastic for cold drinks, glass for wine (I am so high class)
Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? No. :(
If you have a garage, is it cluttered? No. And if you have met my sweetly over-compulsive hubby you would know that.
Curtains or blinds? curtains
How many pillows do you sleep with? 2-4 but always my favorite memory foam one. It is my prized possession.
Do you sleep with any lights on at night? a few nightlights throughout the house
How often do you vacuum? Every day or two but Steve does daily.
Standard toothbrush or electric? Electric and I LOVE it!
What color is your toothbrush? purple and white
Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch? Yes but it does not say "Welcome"
What is in your oven right now? crusty tin-foil
Is there anything under your bed? I hope not. The frame broke so anything that was there is in sad shape now.
Chore you hate doing the most? putting away laundry
What retro items are in your home? me
Do you have a separate room that you use as an office? Sort-of.
How many mirrors are in your home? Geesh. I had to walk around and count but we have 6
Do you have any hidden emergency money around your home? I have been known to use my son's old coin box if that counts. (And yes I always replace what I borrow!)
What color are your walls? Mostly white. Front room and K's room are tan, bathroom a fabulous light blue, other bathroom not so fabulous light blue, kitchen is a beautiful royal blue which I love love love. Horrid paneling going up the stairs and in the upper hallway. Sooooo ugly - don't get me started. One wall in our room too - heaven help me. E's room is a pale yellow.
Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home? Just me in the morning...
What does your home smell like right now? Hopefully not like our pets...
What kind of pickles (if any) in your fridge? A Costco sized jar of dill.
What color is your favorite Bible? I do not have a favorite but the one I usually use is purple.
Ever been on your roof? No. It is very steep and I almost fell off the one time I tried.
Do you own a stereo? Yes. A couple I think depending on how you define stereo.
How many TVs do you have? 3
How many house phones? 3
Do you have a housekeeper? Yes, his name is Steve and while it is a benefit to be married to an over-compulsive man in some aspects, it is not as great as you may think.
What style do you decorate in? Second-hand chic.
Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints? Usually solids.
Is there a smoke detector in your home? 3 or 4
What are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip? Pictures and my pillow. Truly. I love it so much. Mmmm.... I am going to bed now to enjoy my fabulous pillow.

Gargantuan Steps

2008-08-30T00:15:00.008-06:00

Today was a big day for us, although from the outside it would have appeared very normal.

First of all we did not get the call we were hoping for. The one that was offering Z a spot that miraculously came open at K's school. Instead I began the process of enrolling him in home school. I was oddly surprised at how complicated it was. Not sure what I was thinking there...

Secondly I removed the crib from E's room. I know what some of you may be thinking. "What?! The girl is nearly 4! (In October but still...) What is the world took you so long?!" I honestly don't know what we were thinking. It sort of snuck up on us. It was the first time we did not have to move the current crib-sleeper out to make room for a new baby. It is also the first time in 8 years, 5 months and 17 days that we have not had a crib assembled in our home. *tear*

It was a bit emotional for me so I attacked it in my typical defence mechanism of jumping in full-steam and distracting myself with the task at hand. So I tore down E's crib, hauled it downstairs, hauled her new bed upstairs and put it together. (Back story - she has been sleeping on her mattress on her floor for a few weeks to get used to it.) E is of course elated by all this. She has not even touched her crib since she got her Big Girl Bed (*tear*) and loves the new bedding she got to pick out and how we rearranged her room. Props to the hubs here - it was his vision!

Look how tiny she looks!

Awww! She is so happy!

(The top blanket by the way is her most prized possession - the ni-night.)

Even Z got in on the excitement and fun!

So now I sit here facing a whole new world for our little family. One that includes home schooling but no babies or baby things. It is oddly peaceful and painful at the same time. Maybe God sees our family as it should be, or maybe there is a new soul that belongs with us someday. Right now we don't know and I think I am okay with that. At least I am getting there.

Another Happy-ism

2008-08-27T22:28:00.013-06:00

My sweet 5 year old daughter K, who we call Happy, comes up with the cutest things.

Today at dinner she got in trouble and had to be in time-out while we prayed. When she came to the table she needed to pray on her own and chose to do it in her head.

First of all, this in itself is so unbelievably cute because she squints her eyes super tight and mouths or whispers her prayer. Not that I eves-drop or anything... pretty sure that would not be appropriate.

ANYWAY

As she wrapped up her prayer she suddenly rubbed the top of her head and said "Whoa! That made my head tingly!"

God bless this child!

She truly knows how to brighten my days ... even when I am nearing the "I am going to sell you to the circus" point.

Short Cuts!

2008-08-23T22:17:00.003-06:00

I had a few things on my heart that I was struggling to get into type. I clicked through my Blogger Reader list and caught up on one of my new favorite blogs. I have never met this wonderful woman but each one of her posts speaks to me. This and this especially. So why re-write what she said much better than I could? It may be cheating but I prefer to call it efficient. Besides, if you are not already reading this blog you should be.

So Sweet!

2008-08-20T23:22:00.000-06:00

First Day of School

2008-08-20T18:08:00.009-06:00

Check out her pose. She does this in every picture lately.

Today was K's first day of Kindergarten. It was sort-of anti-climactic. No tears or even a catch in my throat. We didn't even get inside the playground gate before she ran off, threw her backpack down and was making new friends. Moments later however, she came to us crying she had hit her head. Sure enough she had a dent in the middle of her forehead and a little cut. Her teacher took her to the nurse's office. I didn't even get a hug or kiss goodbye!

See the tiny bump right in the middle of her forehead?

Luckily as you can see she is just fine and luckily no ER visit or stitches were necessary. This time.

Steve struggled a little more with this being her first day of school. She has such a special place in her Daddy's heart.

Highlights from her day:

New friends - can't remember their names
Had two recesses
Gets to meet even more new friends tomorrow
Made a puzzle with her own hand print and got a sparkly, pink heart sticker on it.

Highlights for me:

Being informed that she only missed us for a minute but then forgot to
Big brother telling her he missed her (aww!)

Sadly today was shadowed by the situation with her older brother and the fact he has not yet been given a spot at her school. I do not understand open-enrollment. It seems to me only logical that if one sibling gets into a school, the others should too. I am sure there is some bureaucratic reason why they justify their system, but from my point of view it does not make sense. The last day for him to possibly get in is next Friday. After that we will choose a home school program and begin a new journey. One I am totally not prepared for and doubt I am capable of!

Our troubles with schools for Z began back in Kindergarten. From that point I have willingly and peacefully trusted God and have felt His hand and voice every step of the way. I clearly felt He was calling me to honor Steve's desire to no longer pay for private school. Everything went so smoothly until now. I just do not get it. It is so hard to watch Z struggle with disappointment and jealousy as he goes with me to take his sister to school but doesn't get to go. Even worse - the big kids are on recess at the same time.

And still as emotional and painful as this is for me I still feel at peace with our decisions thus far.

I know God is working and even though I cannot see the outcome or purpose, I know He does and that I truly do not need to worry about it. It occurred to me today that I am in a desert period of my life. It also occurred to me that there is a purpose greater than me or even my child's broken heart for this.

Two things came to mind in one of those driving-down-the-street-hits-you-out-of-nowhere-epiphany kind of ways.
1. Me in a desert.
2. I can externally be in a desert but still be filled with life giving water from the inside. (Temporal vs. Eternal - thanks in part to Kay Arthur I am grasping this!) I picture the tree beside the stream (Jer. 17:8) with its roots going deep into the ground where it is constantly "fed." Because I am in a desert my roots just need to be longer to reach the water I need. Convoluted? Possibly but it makes sense in my head and in my heart I know I am beginning to get it.

New Rule

2008-08-17T22:40:00.002-06:00

Whenever there is music playing anywhere it must be posted in some way, some where with the title and the artist.

I was sitting at my laptop, catching up on blogs and listening to the Olympics. I know listening to the Olympics seems pretty irrational but I am a multi-tasker and cannot do anything with out doing something else too.

Anyway, here I am reading up on those blogs I have come to love so dearly when a song catches my attention. Now I love music. It is not uncommon for me to be in the middle of 3 or 4 things and hear a song that causes me to stop all said things to listen, sing, dance to the song. The song that caught my ear was the music to the adorable Shawn Johnson’s floor routine. It is the 3rd time I have heard it but I never noticed how beautiful her song is. It is the new soundtrack to my life… or at least part of it. Except for that weird middle part where it sounds like police sirens in London. (Not that I have been to London but I have seen 101 Dalmatians about 101 times – all versions.)

By the way that cute girl from the Chinese team, Jiang Yuyuan, has a great song too. It is on now and it just makes me happy. That and her fabulous dimple. I am so jealous.

I understand the new iPhone has the ability to “listen” to a song and tell you the title and artist and you can even purchase it from iTunes right then and there! I have to have that! If you have one I am so jealous. Tell me if it works as well as I imagine it to.

Bully Update

2008-08-17T22:34:00.002-06:00

Thank you to all my sweet friends who have shared such kind words, both in blog form, email form and face to face as I continue to process the events we shared the other day.

As I said, Z decided he wanted to talk to the girl who had upset him so. She had gone inside by the time he went out there so he was unable to talk with her. Maybe that is God's answer to my prayers. Z got to play with another boy one on one which was very special for him since usually there are about 5 girls playing too. It was good for them to have Boy Time. A little time passed and Z asked for popsicles for him and the 3 kids he was now playing with. Remember Otter Pops? Oh so yummy! They no longer have the little Otters on the packaging that tell the name that correlated to their color or flavor. I cannot imagine why they would change that.

While we were not given a resolution and the rain we have enjoyed for the past few days have prevented playing outside much, at least there was peace in our house and my son's heart has had time to heal.

Growing Pains

2008-08-14T13:51:00.002-06:00

Being a mommy is hard. Today Z went out to play with some kids in our alley. There is a group of maybe 6 neighbor kids that ride bike and scooters and have all sorts of adventures. There are a few kids I would not choose to have for my son but there are good lessons he can learn from them. So I grip my heart and loosen my grasp on him and allow him to leave my site for short stretches of time. Besides, when I was his age my friends and I rode our bikes all over town all day long. That was a different time and I am getting off track.

So today Z was out playing in the alley. Suddenly he comes inside after about an hour of playing and is very upset. He goes on to tell me the big sister of two of his friends (who is maybe 12 years old) came out and began bullying my baby! Blaming him for all sort of things, yelling at him and embarrassing him and getting some of the other kids to join in. Don't you just love that pack mentality we as humans are weak to? Then this girl tells my tender-hearted son, my first born, that he is no longer allowed in the alley or to play with the other kids.

If you are a parent or know a parent I am sure you can guess my first instinct was to jump up, in my p.j.s no less, and go give her what-for. Thankfully I was held to my spot and the rational side of my brain chimed in (haven't heard from you in a while!) As we talked through things I prayed for the right words and advice to offer him and to mend his broken heart. I explained how this girl cannot tell him what to do and that it is possible that she does not feel good about herself and so that is why she is so mean. That she is mean in a way to scare people into being her friends or she will be mean to them. I told him a bunch of other stuff I hope was good advice but that I cannot remember!

Then my brave and sensitive boy decided he wanted to go talk to his attacker!!!

OK - not my personal first choice, or second or third... but I had to let him go.

So now I sit and listen and check out back for some sign of how things are going, all the while praying for God to give my son words, for God to soften this girl's heart and use Z for His purpose, but also for protection for my dear, sweet, sensitive first-born and his tender and loving heart.

Did I do this right? What should I or could I have done differently? What would you have done?

Darn Time Zones

2008-08-08T12:03:00.004-06:00

Ugh! All over the web are images and articles about the Olympic Opening Ceremonies. I am so excited but I don't want to know about them. I don't even want to see the tiniest thumbnail image! I want to see it all tonight when it airs in my time zone as if it were live. Because it is all about me. ;)

I am trying to be strong and should just turn off the computer and walk away... Yeah, that is what I will do.

Now.

I can do it.

Really.

I am in control.

Here we go.

Help me!

9 Cent Entertainment

2008-08-08T11:09:00.011-06:00

9 pennies from the bottom of Mom's bag - 9 cents
Big Brother with arms long enough to reach more pennies - free
3 adoreable children getting along - PRICELESS!

We spent a while at the big watefall at our local mall which as you can see is beautiful. Z could reach coins other people had tossed in so his sisters could make a bunch of wishes. Awww! How sweet is that! He was their hero! I found exactly 9 pennies in my bag so they could make even more wishes though I did not quite obtain the hero status my son did. Oh well.

It was so wonderful to watch them having so much fun with something so simple. I often feel overwhelmed by all the requests to go somewhere, do something, buy the latest and greatest toy or game. We try so hard to teach our children not to be materialistic but it is hard for them and us. Plus we have been staying in the house so much lately because of the heat that we are all a little stir crazy and the bickering had been escalating to impressive levels. It was nice to be out in the sun and fresh air and for all three of them to be loving and kind to each other without me telling them to!

Of course we did a little shopping while there. I was so happy. It has been months since I have gone shopping (Steve does not understand that groceries don't count) and I was going through withdrawls! Even though I did not get anything for me (I usually don't) we did get these fabulous shoes for the girls!

Their love for shoes fills me with such pride! They are mine! It is hard to tell from this picture that the shoes are glittery and have satin trim and bows. So fabulous. Yea!

My Post Came Back!

2008-07-31T23:04:00.003-06:00

It is no coincidence that after sharing my last post the lost-post I referred to came back! Thanks God! I have been having serious memory issues lately and was beginning to think I was loosing it… well more than I already have and will admit to.

So while in the van a commercial came on about the Women of Faith Conference which comes to my area in September. Living in the Denver area all I usually hear about is political stuff thanks to the Democratic National Convention being help here next month. It was nice to hear about something I am more interested in!

Last year was my first time to WOF (I am so with it) and oh how I loved it and have been looking forward to it ever since. Ah to laugh, sing and cry with a few hundred thousand of my closest sisters. Love it! If you have not gone I highly highly recommend it! Here is a glimpse to see what I saw from our “mile high” seats (get it?!?! – I am such a nerd.)

And here is a preview of what is in store for us this year! I can't wait!

I Am Beautiful

2008-07-31T22:39:00.003-06:00

This is not the post I intended to post today. I had a great idea earlier while in the van (you'd think I lived in it) but totally lost it by the time we returned home. I remember I thought it was going to be really good. I guess we will never know. God had a better plan though when He delivered this gem to me in my email in box. How cool is our God to use technology like that!

So here is my gift to you today. I am not being conceited - this is a terrific gift. I hope you enjoy. I for one an adding it to my ever increasing list on Google Reader (Thanks again Angie!)

Pancake Day!!!

2008-07-30T22:48:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is pancake day! Read here to see what all the fuss is about!

And on a completely unrelated note - What possesses a 5 year old to try to “top off” her juice cup from a newly opened jug that weighs as much as she does?

I was quite the scene trying to mop it up when I cannot bend at the waist. (I'll explain another time. Ooh Blog Tease!) Lots of pushing towels around with my feet and picking them up with my toes. Pedicure - shoot. Oh well! Such is life with kiddos.

Tomato, To-mah-to

2008-07-29T11:51:00.003-06:00

Yesterday the kids and I are in the minivan driving to an appointment. I have been hot, unable to sleep and therefore unfairly grumpy - especially to the little ones who are trapped with me all day. this has nothing to do with my post - I just need to confess to ease my guilt a little.

Back to the point. As we are driving we pass a small pasture with 4 or 5 horses in it. K gets very excited and the following conversation occurs:

K: Oooh look Mommy - horses!!!
Me: Oh yea, and look at the baby.
K & E: Ohhh how cute!
Z: Ew I see droppings!
K: Yeah. I see poop.
Me: stifled laugh
Z: [huge eye roll]

You can't make this stuff up.

Ahhhh... Sweet Relief!

2008-07-23T20:40:00.006-06:00

Here in beautiful Colorado we have been experiencing something of a dry-spell mixed with a decent heat-wave. We are spoiled here typically and are not accustomed to the 90+ and even 100+ degree weather we have had the past couple of weeks. We are also usually treated to afternoon rains, something that we have not had for many weeks. I actually cannot remember the last time we got more than a sprinkle of rain.

Today we got a break though. Hallelujah! What started at a 95 degree day cooled as big, dark clouds rolled in and a nice cool breeze picked up. And then it happened... RAIN!!!! Not a lot granted but enough for me to go out on the back deck for a little rejoiceful twirling. Then, as the kids and I left the library the street and sidewalks we actually wet! There were puddles!!! So we did what any normal person in our situation would do. We danced!

And then this:

God is sooo good! All the time God is good! But it occured to me that without the heat and lack of rain lately we would not have appreciated the rain we got today so our blessing was two-fold! Again - GOD IS GOOD!!!!

My Date with Ellie

2008-07-17T22:54:00.013-06:00

Last week I got to take E on a date. Her big brother and sister were at a friend's house for a playdate and while she was invited too I wanted some time with her to myself.

First she got to choose where we went to lunch. McDonald's of course! With the stipulation we ate inside and it had a playground. She chose what she ate and where we sat and loved the control! From there she decided we should go to the Butterfly Pavilion - or as she says it "Palillion." I picked up a disposable camera for her on the way. I cannot wait to get it developed! Here are some that I took:

Holding the infamous Rosie, the Red Haired Tarantula.

Ew.

Pretending she is Rosie, the Red Haired Tarantula.

She's a bee!

Holding a giant cockroach.

Double ew!

We had such a nice time and I cannot wait to have my dates with the other kids!

My Life in Pictures

2008-07-17T22:04:00.026-06:00

A picture is worth a thousand words and I am too far behind to type up everything so here are the pictures and you can create your own story! They are in chronological order and some may be repeats.

Father's Day

Boulder Falls

Someday he will live somewhere where I will have to hike in.

Daddy and his girls!

See K's deathgrip? She will live in a condo with a doorman.

Family trip to the zoo!

Why do these monkeys always pee on the window?

Swimming Lessons!!!!

They practically have gills.

Fourth of July

Steve and the kids having a water fight.

Notice my point of view from the safety of our deck!

E loved the fireworks!

Another zoo trip with just me and the kids:

Bass Pro Shop:

This is a HUGE catfish they have in their big tank. I find it gross.

The kids love it of course.

So that is not everything but a few of our highlights. I hope you enjoyed it and are having a great summer too!

Memories.... Sing it with Me!

2008-07-16T23:27:00.004-06:00

Maybe it is the heartfelt posts I have just read on my friends' blogs. Maybe it is the fun conversations I had with my mom today. Maybe it is the fun evening I had with my family doing nothing special but loving each moment of it. Maybe it is the wine I have had. Whatever it is I am feeling loving and sentimental. Don't say you haven't been warned.

First I am feeling gushy over my family. Not just those I was raised with or married into or built with my hubby, but the family I have chosen and God has given me along the way. Wow I am so blessed I could have an entire blog dedicated to just proclaiming my blessings and my thanks for each one of them. I pray He knows how I know they are each a gift from Him and that I am forever grateful.

Second I have to sing the praises of Facebook. Geeky I know but deal with it. This past week I have had the pleasure of reconnecting with two people from my past (very Soap Opera of me I know).

One is a friend from when I lived in Middlesex, New Jersey from 1984-87. He was this hilarious and kind boy in my class named Chris. He lived right up the street from me so we sometimes walked home together, he with his younger brother and me with mine. The first time I played King of the Hill was with him and his best friend Tim. I am pretty sure I lost and Tim won. Chris lived in a cool turn-of-the-century home I was so jealous of because I lived in a new home. He did a funny little dance just moving his feet that I cannot explain but it cracked me up. On a whim I checked out the public high school in our tiny town (we went to the Catholic elementary school) on Facebook and there he was!

Middlesex was the type of place where we knew everyone. At least it seemed that way. The strange man who I think was albino and who owned the garden store across the street. The couple who set up hundreds of blow up Easter decorations in their yard each year. As kids we had the run of the neighborhood. As long as we came home when we heard the siren go off (imagine air raid siren each night at 8pm) we were good. We rode bikes up to the A&P to buy stickers for our collections and loved Slush Puppies. The ice cream man sold Italian Ice that I have yet to find anything close to it anywhere else. There was a small river that cut our town in half and was dammed so we called it the Duck Pond. In the summer we fished and played and got poison ivy. In the winter it froze and we spent countless hours ice skating and playing hockey. There was some sort of Revolutionary War marker near the dam - a fort was once there or something.

Oddly enough the 20 odd years have not changed Chris much! Well except that he is married with a little boy. He is still so funny. It has been fun reconnecting with him.

The second is a girl I went to high school with named Jenn. She was a year behind me and we were band geeks together. We were the cool band geeks though because we were percussionists. Well that is what we told ourselves anyway. Her mom is seriously one of the sweetest people I have ever known. She altered some dresses of mine for school dances and performance groups I was in when I was broke. Jenn still looks the exact same even though she is married and has an adorable daughter. She has a large family and even though she complained about them (hey, we were 16) I could tell they were very loving.

I also have had the joy of reconnecting with a good friend from high school Maggie, who I was in several choirs together and had many wonderful times together. She had the most amazing voice I have ever heard. She is still as beautiful and genuine as she was *cough* years ago and also is married with a beautiful daughter.

I wish I had a picture to show you what I looked like in High School. I will look. For now just imagine me with longer hair and much less weight (I was a rail) and maybe a bit more attitude... ok a lot more attitude. I varied between good girl and rebel. I still have my leather biker jacket! I loved choir and performing. I rarely attended classes that were not music related. I with a couple of friends convinced our principal to open the old tennis courts as a smokers area. I partied a lot but not hard... usually. We hung out at Denny's nearly every night working on homework (rarely), drinking coffee (lots), smoking (lots), and thinking we were so brilliant and philosophical and that we were going to change the world. Maybe we did. Maybe we will. What I do know is that I have come a long way since then, changed a TON, and value each memory and person I shared this time with immensely. I loved high school. I know not many people can say that but I truly did. I had great friends and a lot of fun. I would not go back because I love where I am now but it is fun to remember.

Bad Blogger

2008-07-14T00:45:00.002-06:00

I have not been a good blogger. I know this. I repeat it to myself each day. I would like to say that I just have not had anything to blog about because honestly I have. I could blog about Steve still having a job and how I am not so sure how I feel about it. I could blog about our fun July 4th BBQ. I could blog about how E and I had a day to ourselves last week. I could blog about how Facebook has reunited me with a friend from the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th grades when I lived in New Jersey and another friend and fellow band geek from high school. I could blog about the amazing ending to Z's baseball season. I could blog about countless other little things but alas I have not. I could even blog about all the things that have prevented me from blogging - but there are not any. I get on the computer all ready to post something, but then I check my Google Reader (Thanks Angie!) and by the time I am all caught up on my favorite blogs I 1. have a headache from staring at my computer so long, 2. have three restless children asking me "Are you done yet?" for the bazillionth time, and 3. am in such awe by the wonderful story tellers I have read I feel a bit intimidated. And so now with my headache in full blown pound I am off to find my Advil and eye pillow. Maybe tomorrow...

Amazing!

2008-07-09T12:39:00.002-06:00

I was emailed this video and had to share!

Happy Fourth of July!!!

2008-07-04T10:00:00.004-06:00

I just love this picture! I pray you all have a safe and very happy holiday!

I am excited to introduce my newest project and blog, The Serendipitous Cook. I invite you all to check it out and please continue checking back!

Multi-Tasking

2008-07-03T23:32:00.003-06:00

How do you clean your house and keep your children busy? TV? No. Bribes? Nu-uh. Nope, not threats, locks, naps or removing them from your house either. This is much MUCH better.

So I came across my new gem of wisdom not completely by accident. A dear friend actually planted the seeds and it has taken, oh about 18 months to germinate. The trick - get the kids envolved in the cleaning! Not Nobel Prize worthy but huge in my life!

Oh no I can hear your gasps! "What? No! That could never work? They do not really clean. My children would never help clean. They may help but then I have to go back over an do it again. "

Well that last one might have glimmers of truth.

Today we frantically cleaned our house preparing to have a few friends over for a BBQ for the Fourth of July. Sadly I have let my house go - a lot. It may have been in a different time-zone it is so far gone. Z knew we had a lot to do and he was so enthusiastic to help. He even made a list! *tear* He is mine! (For those of you not in the know, I am an avid lover of all things list. They are my happy place.) I would share a picture of it but it was tossed out before I could get a picture. His list was things like "Clean my room," "Clean the bathroom," "Dust," "Clean the backyard," etc. He did this all on his own! I imagine we were quite the picture, both sitting at the counter writting our lists for the day. Again, no picture. (bad blogger)

I tried to keep the girls occupied by cleaning their rooms, a.k.a. playing away from me so I can get some work done. Z flew through the house with the Swiffer, cleaned his room, cleaned up after the dog and was back for more! God, I thank you!

Well the girls figured they were missing out on something huge and were dying for a project. "Mommy what can I clean?" Have those words ever been uttered before? I think we made history.

So finally here is my favorite thing today that was the gem from my dear friend. I took a simple, small spray bottle half filled with water and about a cap full of vinegar. Truthfully I am not sure what the vinegar does but make things smell clean and more like what I was using which made my little E very happy. Then I took an old sock of her brother's, and slipped it on her little hand inside out and showed her how to spray her very special cleaning solution onto her very special cleaning mit and sent her off to clean my baseboards.

Quiet. Silence. No wait... I hearsomething. Is that humming? Oh my happy worker!

The results?

They are gorgeous! The cleanest they have been since I painted them a long *cough* time ago.

This picture does not do her handy work justice and in my defense, this is a 45 year old house with 45 year old baseboards and therefore 45 years of paint. Its character right?

She worked so diligently through the front room and made them just sparkle. She was so proud of herself and her sister was so jealous because all she got to do was wash out the bathroom sink. Maybe tomorrow my love.

The Fastest Week of the Year

2008-07-01T13:39:00.008-06:00

Phew! We made it through in one piece, virtually unscathed and absolutely filled with joy. What is this amazing experience you may be asking? Vacation Bible School of course!!!!

snack time on the church lawn

This is by far our favorite week of the year - the kids and I. I love how excited my kids get about learning about Jesus. I love watching all of the kids sing and dance to the great songs, laugh and play during the skits and games, and really show their personalities in the crafts. This year we had about 270 children attending and they just about tore the roof off at times!

It always begins the same way. We put in months of prayer and prep and suddenly it is the Day 1! Things tend to fall apart a bit on Wednesday - kids are tired, I continually run late (What? No! Not me!) and then you blink and it's Friday! By Thursday Z and K were so upset that it was ending. Many tears were shed. Z thought since so much work is put into VBS it whould last like a month. Or all summer! (*shudder*)

Even though the days are early, fast paced, and at times exhausting, and we are all physically tired by the end of it, our hearts are filled in a way I do not find the rest of the year. This one crazy week fills me so much I feel like I could walk on air!

Z and his best buddy showing off their prayer bracelets

E and a new friend on the playground

K with two special friends

Why NOT to feed your children

2008-06-19T23:06:00.003-06:00

I have been meaning to post this for a while but forgot about it. You will see why.

There are three children in this, Z, K and E, and as you can see they are, um... let's say... bursting with the youthful energy of a thousand suns. What you cannot see is that this is at nearly 9pm on a shcool night! I did not take video of the following morning. It wasn't pretty.

2008-06-17T22:37:00.001-06:00

Happy BirTher's Day

2008-06-16T20:49:00.002-06:00

I hope you all had a great Father's Day. Ours was busy but fun! Steve's birthday is on Flag Day which also is right around Father's Day so it makes for a busy time of year for us. I try so hard to seperate the two but this year I think I fell short.

With finances being tight this year we knew we couldn't do much but I missed even the low bar set. The kids made cards and scrapbooks for both Steve's birthday and Father's Day. I did neither. I didn't even buy a card! I feel so awful! I tried to make up for it but still feel terrible. We had a busy weekend beginning with Steve and I going on our first date in about 18 months (I sure hope I am forgetting something in my counting!), and took the kids out for ice cream. That was Friday night. Saturday we saw the new Chronicles movie (great), went to a late lunch, took a nap and went out for ice cream. Sunday we worked in the yard, went on a hike, went to a park, went on two long walks and had a steak dinner at home. Still I feel like it was not enough. I guess it never is enough for those we love.

This week Steve is off from work. We were going to be visiting his family in Iowa but the gas prices scared us off. Good thing I guess with all the weather issues they have been having, fortunately none near where his family lives. Instead we are doing a vacation at home where we will try to do things that we do not usually have time to do as a family like the zoo, hikes, and so forth. Hopefully not any more ice cream trips - I just started a new diet plan and Cold Stone and Dairy Queen are not recommended.

Yummy!

2008-06-05T22:00:00.003-06:00

I am not a good cook. I want to be and even more so I want to enjoy cooking. So tonight when I made a terrific dinner I just had to share!

I love websites like All Recipes and Food Network. I rarely if ever have all the ingredients or gadgets called for or I want to make it healthier, so usually I make things up as I go. Usually it turns out pretty good but there are times when I am thankful we have a quick Chinese delivery place near us with a killer Sesame Tofu.

I found a Bourbon Pecan Chicken recipe a while back and after my mom send me a huge bag of fresh pecans from Oklahoma (thanks mom!) I decided to finally give it a shot. As usual I did not have all the ingredients. I also watched an episode of 30 Minute Meals which had a similar recipe that I blended to create a truly wonderful meal according to my kids and myself!

Deann's JD Pecan Chicken
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
2 large eggs
splash of milk or half and half
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
1/2 cup finely ground pecans
1/2 cup dry bread crumbs - Italian variety works too
8 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
2 tablespoons canola oil
1/8 cup spicy brown mustard
1/8 cup yellow mustard (prepared)
1/4 cup dark brown sugar
2 2/3 tablespoons Jack Daniel's whiskey
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 cup butter, chilled and cut into small cubes
1/2 cup sliced green onions (optional)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
If you have whole pecans take 1/2 and pulse grind in a food processor until they are finely chopped. Then take the remaining pecans and grind until they are the same consistency as your bread crumbs.
Combine nuts and bread crumbs and pour onto a plate.
Beat eggs and half-and-half or milk in a shallow dish.
Pour flour out on a plastic board or plate.
Dust both sides of the chicken with flour. Dip the chicken into the egg mixture and then coat with the nutty-breading. (Really press the chicken into the nutty breading for a thicker coating.)
Preheat a nonstick skillet over medium high heat. Add oil to coat the bottom of the pan with a thin layer. Brown chicken pieces 2 minutes on each side in hot oil or until evenly light golden in color. Transfer to a baking sheet and cook in oven until juices run clear and breasts are cooked through, about 10 to 12 minutes.

In a small saucepan, whisk together the mustard, brown sugar, bourbon, soy sauce, and Worcestershire sauce until smooth. Bring to a simmer over medium-low heat, then remove from the burner, and whisk in the 1/4 cup of unsalted butter one piece at a time. Do not return to the heat. (It will cool so work quickly.)

This is also great cold so feel free to make extra for lunches or to take on a picnic. It would be great on a salad too if you make the sauce a little thinner to use as the dressing.

If you try this let me know. I would love to know if you and yours enjoyed it as much as we did.

Doe snot

2008-06-02T14:26:00.002-06:00

"Doe" and "snot" are two real words, spelled correctly. I know this because I used my trusty spell checker. What my spell checker did not realize was that I was writting my Governor and not about anything regarding woodland creatures or their mucous. Sadly I realized this AFTER it was sent to the Gov by my friend who is probably still laughing at my expense. Next time she can right the letter. (yes that won was on porpoise.)

Another First

2008-05-29T09:37:00.006-06:00

Can someone please tell me what the appropriate punishment is for a 3 and 5 year old who spray half a bottle of laundry spot treater on a cat?

This is post-bath.

Bittersweet Countdown

2008-05-27T17:27:00.002-06:00

1 1/2 days + 1 1/2 hours.

That is how much more school Z has left.

Tomorrow is his last full day, then a half day, and then on Friday they have church and get their report cards and we are done. Done with 2nd grade, done with uniforms, and done with his current school.

For those who do not know, he has gone to the Catholic school near our home for the past two years. We made the incredible difficult choice to not re-enroll him or enroll his sister for next year because of how expensive it is! For three kids we are talking about in-state college rates. It is the smartest choice and I have not felt any twinges of doubts that this is the best choice for our family and where we are today. Emotionally I am not so confident. I hurt knowing he will not be getting the religious education at school and I hurt knowing he will have to join a new school and be the "new kid" again. In that respect I feel like I have failed him (yes in my head I know that is not true but my heart is louder than my head right now!)

So if you think of me please pray I will not be too self-involved and emotional over all of this. Oh and that Z will get into the school we hope for the fall. More on that another day. Now back to my tea and pity party.

Hearts Breaking

2008-05-22T09:55:00.003-06:00

I heard the news today that Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest daughter, Maria, was killed in an accident at their home. On their blog is a sweet video of Maria and hundreds of posts with the most beautiful words showering this family in love. One was this poem. I have no idea who wrote it but wanted to share it here.

GOD'S LOAN
"I'll lend to you for a little time,
A child of mine," He said,
"For you to love the while she lives
And mourn for when she's dead.

"It may be six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you till I call her back,
Take care of her for me?

"She'll bring her charms to gladden you
And should her stay be brief,
You'll have these precious memories
As solace for your grief.

"I cannot promise she will stay
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.

"I've looked this world over,
In my search for teachers true.
In the crowds that throng life's land,
I have selected you.

"Now will you give her all your love
Not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call
To take her back again?"

It seems to me I heard them say,
"Dear Lord, thy will be done.
For all the joys a child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.

"We'll shelter her with tenderness,
We'll love her while we may,
And for the happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay.

"And should the angels call for her
Much sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand."

Birthdays and Bubbles and Bears oh my!

2008-05-19T10:28:00.009-06:00

Yesterday was my neice's 1st birtday party. This is my only brother's daughter. They also have a 4 year old son. It was so fun to hang out with him and his family an dhis in-laws. The two of us are really the only ones left from our family in the area so any time we get to spend together is wonderful.

My sister-in-law gave the kids bubbles and these are from this morning when E and I were playing in the yard.

On Friday was Z's Cub Scout Picnic where he was honored to be chosen for the Color Guard
and was promoted or whatever to the next level (I have no idea what animal he is now Bear or something).

It was a busy and fun weekend!

Say Cheesey!

2008-05-19T10:01:00.004-06:00

"Yee-haw"

For the next year K has to wear a hat whenever she is outside to protect her skin as it heals. She has chosen an irridencent pink cowboy hat. Sorry cow-girl hat. Of course - there could be no better choice.

Happy's Smile

2008-05-15T18:25:00.003-06:00

She may look like a hockey player but at least her beautiful smile is beginning to return!

Praise God!

Good Friends

2008-05-15T12:22:00.003-06:00

K got these beautiful flowers from a preschool friend. She and her mom dropped them off today along with a little card and some candy. It made K's morning!

Thank you Lord for caring friends.

Update

2008-05-14T16:00:00.003-06:00

K is still swollen and showing more bruising. I will try to continue posting picture updates.

The shadow on the right side of her face
is from her hair, not bruising.

Thank you so much for all the well wishes and prayer. It means so much to me especially. When I feel really shaken I can find peace knowing that God protected her then and will continue to care for her and help her heal. He is calming this traumatized mommy's heart too!

A Day In the Life....

2008-05-13T16:13:00.006-06:00

I had every intention of posting something cute and sweet yesterday afternoon. Instead I will share with you why I did not.

Do you ever have that feeling when you wake up that something is not right? Like there is a disaster right around the corner? Well I don't. That is why when I woke up I was expecting another typical day in the life of this suburban domestic administrator (sounds better than housewife). And that is why when I heard the glass-shattering scream from the backyard as I cleaned up after lunch I was caught off-guard. When I made the two steps across the kitchen to the window I saw K covered in blood that seemed to be coming from her left cheek. I cannot type what ran through my head because I want this to remain Family Friendly. The next actions were a blur but somehow I managed to get a towel on K's cheek and get us all in the van. I gave a call to my hubby that went something like this:

"K fell and is hurt bad. Meet us at the ER" click.

Not my finest moment. Sorry about that honey.

By piecing the stories of my injured daughter and her 3 year old sister together, we gather that K was climbing in a grouping of aspens we have near their playground, slipped and fell. There was one of those green and white posts you tie young trees to next to these trees that may have been involved. There was also a thin branch on the ground where she fell that had recently been broken off so we assume it was the catalyst in this. We are not sure what made the gash exactly and are very thankful for tetanus shots.

ER visit: $100
Popsicles, ice cream and cookies: $10
Bringing your baby home in one piece: Priceless

Today she is sore and still a little shaken up. She is concerned that she looks bad or weird and is afraid of hurting herself. There is some swelling but that has improved since this morning and I expect she will have some colorful bruises over the next few days. The wound is similar in shape to a fishing hook. Her mouth is drooping on that side but it could be because of the bandage or swelling (best case) or nerve/muscle damage. We will find out next Monday when we see the plastic surgeon.

A huge thanks to the fabulous staff at Good Sam including Jen, Jessica, Kurt and Dr. Kiehn who took such good care of my baby, made her feel better, calmed me and my hubs, provided pain relief and a grape popsicle, and put K back together praising her and making her feel like the bravest girl ever. I think she is.

She is trying to smile here.

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-11T22:16:00.004-06:00

What a day! To all the moms out there I hope you had a terrific Mother's Day.

My day was simple but nice. Hubby let me sleep in (hear the angels singing? I did) and then brought me "breakfast" in bed (4 mini chocolate-flavored-wax covered donuts and a kiddie cup of milk - its the thought right?) The kids were quietly watching a movie in the family room but errupted into joyously yelling "Mom!" as I came downstairs. My favorite sound in the world! I then was showered in wonderful homemade and schoolmade cards and signs and pictures. No diamond is as beautiful. E even wrote her own name on her very colorful card!

As I was reading Beth Moore's blog post for today it made me think of something. She always makes the think! She was talking about the mercy and grace God gives to parents and remembering all the times I was neither merciful nor graceful in my parenting. There are more instances then I care to admit to even myself where my lack of sleep, distraction or agenda got in the way of being the parent my child needed at the time. Not only does God give us grace a mercy (using it is up to us) He also created children to be very resilient. In teh painting Kmade for me she did not say "My mommy screams like a maniac," which is true. No, she said "My mommy is very good at coloring." I do not know why this makes me cry but it does! Z wrote a note saying that I am "Awsom" (exact spelling) - wow.

So today I celebrate the truths I know.
1. God loves me
2. My kids love me
3. God gave these kids to me and not by accident
4. I am not God and I will run out of mercy and grace
5. God is God and will not run out of mercy or grace (Lamentations 3:23)
6. God and my children will forgive me
7. I can always be a better mom or a worse mom - that choice is up to me each morning

Mother's Day is a tough one for me too in some ways. At least this year. My mom and dad moved 700 miles away and I miss them so much! It is hard for me to be so far away from my mom. We talked twice on the phone today which helps but is not the same. I hate being so far away from her.

Today I am also thinking a lot of my birth mom. I hope she has had other children who were with her today. I hope she knows how much I love her.

So thanks to my mom and all the moms who have made an impact on me and helped make me the mom I am today.

OH! I have to brag that I gave birth to a genius. When getting kisses for bed tonight K asked if Mother's Day is tomorrow too. When I told her no she was appaled "But we didn't have enough time to do fun stuff and love on you! It needs to be longer!" Amen sister.

Dust off your running shoes!

2008-05-08T13:27:00.007-06:00

I have to help promote an event that is very important to me. It is the Run, Walk and Waddle and it is this Saturday, May 10th at 9am at Sloan's Lake in Denver, CO. This is a fun and family friendly event that gives all its proceeds to help support the Kempe Center's Postpartum Depression Intervention Program.

If you look really close at the pictures under the logo on the Run Walk and Waddle home page you will see a picture of the kid's fun-run from last year. My son is the one in the red shorts and blue shirt and my older daughter is just to the right in green and pink. :)

See you there!

Ellie's Kisses

2008-05-06T00:53:00.002-06:00

The video speaks for itself so hopefully I can figure out how to get it onto the blog. I will just set this up a little bit. Ellie was in a very cute mood this day so I thought it would be cute to send a little video to Daddy. This is what I got.

Cesarean Awareness Month

2008-04-04T10:43:00.003-06:00

April is Cesarean Awareness Month. Many people may wonder why there is a need for Cesarean Awareness. I never gave it much thought until the unplanned and traumatic cesarean birth of my oldest Zachary. That experience led me to become a birth doula and changed my life forever in mostly wonderful ways. (The scar and being labeled "high risk" - not so wonderful.)

I don't think I am very eloquent with my words when it comes to things like this so I am posting quotes from two women I respect a lot. The first is from the Vice President of ICAN (International Cesarean Awareness Network) of Colorado. The second is from a friend and former President of ICAN of Colorado. First I have to say that I firmly believe that there are necessary cesareans. Additionally if someone reads this who had a cesarean regardless of the circumstances, and is at peace with it and maybe even loved it, this post is not intended to discredit or damage that in any way. It took me a long time to get to a point where I could accept and appreciate my cesarean birth and I hope the same for all of my "sisters of the scar."

"What is Cesarean Awareness Month? An internationally recognized month of awareness about the impact of cesarean sections on mothers, babies, and families worldwide. It's about educating yourself to the pros and cons of major abdominal surgery and the possibilities for healthy birth afterwards as well as educating yourself for prevention of cesarean section.

Cesarean awareness is for mothers who are expecting or who might choose to be in the future. It's for daughters who don't realize what choices are being taken away from them. It's for scientists studying the effects of cesareans and how birth impacts our lives. It's for grandmothers who won't be having more children but are questioning the abdominal pains and adhesions causing damage 30 years after their cesareans.

Cesareans are serious. There is no need for a 'catchy phrase' to tell us that this is a mainstream problem. It affects everyone. One in three American women every year have surgery to bring their babies into the world. These women have lifelong health effects, impacting the families that are helping them in their healing, impacting other families through health care costs and policies, and bringing back those same lifelong health effects to the children they bring into this world.

Be aware. Read. Learn. Ask questions. Get informed consent. Be your own advocate for the information you need to know.
http://www.ican-online.org/
Subscriptions are reduced for this month!"

"When I hear from women that some c-sects are necessary, I try to remind them of the WHO recommendation. Absolutely 10-15% of cesareans (possibly yours) are necessary. We have an almost 40% rate in the [Denver] metro area and that is putting women and babies at risk. We induce, we augment, we scare. It's not about them and their births - it's about the facts. Just because you "needed" yours, or felt that was a good option for you - where does that leave the other 30% of women that are being forced, cajoled, scared, lied to, coerced. What about if you really wanted to have a VBAC? What are your options?

Reducing the c-sect rate is Public Health goal. What we are doing is important. Don't give up! That little bit of education at a time is exactly what is called for.

Another analogy I use in class is: imagine your wedding planning. Every day you plan on getting married at the beach. You pick the dress, you plan the wedding - all around the beach. On the day of the wedding, a hurricane comes and you have to get married in a church. The ceremony is in a different language and you are made to be completely across the room from your husband. You cannot touch or laugh or recite your vows. Hey - don't be sad. You're still married. What's the big deal? At least you have a husband. Right?"

For more information on ICAN of Colorado please visit their website at http://www.icanofcolorado.org/.

Happy birthing!

Long Overdue

2008-03-01T22:00:00.002-07:00

I know it is late but I thought I would give a quick update of our holidays. As in the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Like I said - I know it is late.

The plan was to have a nice quiet Christmas morning at home with just the five of us, then head to my uncle's for teh big family gathering. We had a snow storm hit Christmas Eve night and while it was not a big storm it did mess up the roads evough that we did not want to be on the road so we stayed home. It was really nice to let the kids open and play with all their toys and just lay around in our jammies for m ost of the day! The next day we were leaving for Iowa to see Steve's family so we had plenty of time to pack our bags and load the car.

Our drive to Iowa was basically uneventful. I think it was the first time we did not get pulled over! WooHoo! The kids were great in large part to Zachary getting a Nintendo DS for Christmas and Steve setting up his laptop to play movies. It was long (12 hours) but we had good roads and nice weather.

We enjoyed 4 nights at Steve's mom's house. Another blessing is that Steve and I were able to sleep on a bed in her extra room! First time for that too. Usually we slept in her bed with one or two kids or on a chair, loveseat or the floor. We got to see both sets of his grandparents, his siblings, their significant others and kids. One night the five of us and Steve's sister Sarah, her family and Steve's brother Matt went bowling. It was so fun! We had a Christmas of our own and a huge dinner which was so good you couldn't help but over eat! The kids played so well together and we all had a great time. Unfortunately time goes fast when you are having fun and before w eknew it we were packing the van up again to head to Tulsa to see my parents.

The drive to Tulsa from Albia was supposed to only take about 8 hours. It was 8 very long and boring hours. Maybe because I was just so anxious to get there! Missouri was actually fairly pretty for it being the middle of winter. We stopped for gas and a drive through lunch and a couple potty breaks but for the most part we just drove.

We spent 3 nights at my parents' new place in Tulsa. They had already done a lot of work to the place in jsut the 2 months they had lived there. Mom and I went shopping for new bedding for their guest room and talked about design ideas for the rest of the house and yard. We took the kids shopping for their Christmas gifts, visited with my uncles Jeff and Matt who also live in Tulsa and have an amazingly beautiful house. It looks like a museum or fancy antique boutique or something. Certainly a "don't touch things house." Ellie and I had been there a few months earlier but it was the first time Steve, Zacka dn Kendall had been there. Ellie was disappointed the pool was closed for the winter but excited to see their 3 yorkies. Matt and Dad were both sick so they did not get to spend much time with us. Jeff came over for dinner one night but then he began to feel ill. Luckily none of us got it! The last night there we all went out to dinner at the Elephant Bar which has a fun African theme. And in a blink we were loading up the van again and saying our goodbyes. This one really upset the kids, especially Zack who misses his grandparents and cousins so much. He cried and cried which made me cry too though I tried to hide it. I think even my parents got a little teary!

Well if we thought the drive from Albia to Tulsa was bad, the trip from Tulsa to home was worse. First we were astonished by teh devastation the ice storm had caused to the entire Tulsa area. It was wors in the open space where none of the trees had been cleared. It looked like a bomb had gone off in some areas. Then we hit Kansas. No offense but I hate driving through Kansas. Driving in winter is ever worse. It is so brown and depressing. Finally we hit the Colorado border. A few long hours later we were home.

It was so great to get to see so much family for the holidays but I do not think we will ever do a trip like that again. I think from now on we will either just visit one state or take a longer time in each.

Hair Trauma

2007-12-15T15:59:00.000-07:00

I will venture to guess that no parenting books even written cover the topic of your child biting her hair off in clumps without hinting that there is some serious neurological condition or something. So when Kendall began doing this I was suprised to say the least. We tried pulling her hair up all the time, threatening to cut her hair like her brothers, time-outs, etc. Nothing worked.

Finally her hair got to be such a mess we had to cut it. First mistake - going to a new place. The lady seemed to know what was best so I sat down to watch the other two kids. What she did was not terrible but certainly worse than what we walked in with. Kendall looked like she was growing out a bad haircut, all shaggy and choppy.

I hoped as it dried it would look better. Nope. Maybe after we wash and style it ourselves. Nope again.

I knew what I had to do. I had to cut it. It had a couple terrible layers so I had to remove one of them and soften it. It also came to a point in the back so I had to even that out too. We talked about it first and she sat very still while I did it. Once she looked in the mirror though she was no longer "OK." She was crushed that her beautiful long curls were gone. It took some talking to get her to settle down but she is still pretty upset over it. I was crushed too but hid it better - I hope.

I am getting used to it and really think she looks adoreable. Pony tails and piggy tails may not be in our near future but that is OK. And to be honest last year her hair was not much shorter than it is now. So it is not the end of the world but in our house it was quite a big deal. Such is the life with little girls!

Good Luck!

2007-12-09T00:50:00.000-07:00

What to win a bunch of toys? Even if you or your kids don't need them, you can always donte them to charity or give them as gifts! Click here or go to http://www.parents.com . Good luck!

Random Memories

2007-12-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

I am amazed at how memories and messages can be sent. I was reading another blog for the first time a few minutes ago which I have now added to my favorites. One of her posts were about a memory she had as a child preparing a Christmas surprise for a family in need. She and her family wrapped gifts, then protected them in a bag, left them on the doorstep, rang the bell and ran! How fun!

I can remember as a kid preparing a dinner not for us but to leave on our doorstep. A family we had never met and would never meet, but who were involved in Marriage Encounters (my parents were instructors) were passing through town on a long road trip, had small children with them, and no time or money for dinner or something like that. Keep in mind I was maybe 6 years old or younger at the time so these details were not important to me. I can remember helping my mom make sandwiches and snacks, wrap them and place them in bags. The family was supposed to be coming by in the middle of the night so we left them on our doorstep.

The family never came by and again I don't remember why. What I do remember was the excitement for having something unexpectedly fun and meaningful to do for some people we had never met. I remember how quickly my parents jumped at the chance to do something to help someone else. We did not necessarily have extra money or food but it didn't matter how much we had - just that we had the opportunity to help someone so we grabbed it.

I think this single event planted a seed of service and giving in my heart which the Lord has cultivated in me every day since. I love to help others and wish I could do more. What a simple and seemingly random memory, but it is etched in my mind and one I and thankful for and think of fondly from time to time.

Christmas Again?

2007-12-03T15:44:00.000-07:00

How can it possibly Christmas already? I am not ready to be here again!

This year we are lucky that we will get to see virtually all of our friends and family. My parents moved to Tulsa, OK in October and Steve's family is in Iowa. The plan is to spend Christmas Day at my uncle Mike's with my extended family. The next day we are going to drive to Iowa and spend a few days with Steve's family. It will be so great to see his grandparents, aunt, uncles, brother and sisters, and our niece and nephews! Out kids are so excited to see their cousins! It has been so long since all the grandkids were together I imagine my mother-in-law will be thrilled!

On Dec. 30th or 31st we are going to drive to Tulsa to spend a few days with my parents and see my uncles. Again we are really excited! I cannot wait to see what Mom and Dad have done with their house. From the pictures they have sent me it looks great!

I am just so excited to get to see all our family. It has been so long since we have had this opportunity. It is sad that being with your family is almost a luxury anymore. With a family of 5 we cannot afford to fly and then rent a car so the hardest part of the trip will be driving. It is 12 hours to Steve's mom's house, then apx 8 hours from her house to my parents'. Thanks heaven for portable DVD players! It is actually a lot of fun for the most part. We talk and listen to music and play games. It is a gift to have this time with our family in such close quarters. On the other hand it is a drag to loose 2-3 days with our family to traveling.

The only thing we have to do other than almost all of our shopping is find someone to take care of our dog, Chipper and our three cats. Pray we will find someone soon!

God bless!

Thank Heaven for Little Girls

2007-11-19T12:50:00.000-07:00

Last night I did not sleep well. Having had a rough night I had a hard time falling asleep. I woke up tired and still feeling blue. All I wanted to do was be alone but with a husband and three kids to take care of that is not usually an option.

After Steve and Zack headed out for work and school I surrendered myself to the call of the couch and blanket, and decided there was no need for me to shower, change out of my pajamas, or do anything to be honest. Then my little sunshine Elliott came to me asking for a new diaper. As she layed down she began to sing You Are My Sunshine. This is the song I always sang to the kids when they were upset. Coincidence maybe but I think God was trying to send me a message and knew Ellie was the best messanger there was for it.

You see Ellie is one of the happiest and funniest kids I have ever met. As soon as she realized she could do things to make others smile and laugh she has been a clown. I am sure this will cause many extra conferences with her teachers in the future, but for now it is a pure joy! It was just a short interaction over a menial task but it was the boost I needed to turn my day around. I am still in my pjs and still have not showered, but I might which is a big step from where I was a couple of hours ago.

Brave New World...

2007-11-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog and my first entry. Woohoo!

Sky Blue Pink is something I got from my Grandma Force. It is the color of a sunset. Living in Colorado we get some of the most beautiful sunsets in the world each day so I get to feel her close to me each evening!

I hope to get the hang of this and have something worth reading to post each time!

God bless.