In the recent past I have to admit I felt like my life was a house of cards and it was tumbling around me. I felt like each time I was certainly at my breaking point and could not take one more thing, God would hand me something new and usually stressful or negative or even devastating. I have cried out on my knees so many times I have callouses. I have learned to not expect prayers to be answered or for me to be able to see the reason for hardships. Still I am human and I hope God continues to be patient with my temper-tantrums.
So today I had a choice to make. I could sit at home on my couch with my blanket and veg out in my depression and cry the day away I honestly I have done for more hours then I will ever admit to over the past days, weeks, months... you get the picture. Or I could take advantage of the BEAUTIFUL day we had been blessed with and take my kids to the park. Oh what the sunshine and fresh air did for not just my mood but my clarity as well.
So here are things I have learned or am learning:
- NEVER say you are at your wits end, cannot take any more, at the end of your rope, give up, or other such fatalistic things. God will always prove you wrong.
- I am not a patient person. I loose it quickly and gain it back slowly.
- I sigh way too much and way too loud and over very little things.
- If I start my day off with prayer and return to it frequently, I am much happier and a WAY better mom.
- I speak without thinking way too often. Especially to those closest to me.
- I need to stop and pray more often.
- I need my "me" time. I need quiet solitude sometimes, and companionship others.
- If I do not get my me time my patience is seriously depleted and I already do not have any to spare. See # 2.
- Coffee is a very good thing.
- I have a lot of love to give.
- Once I am deeply hurt it is very hard for me to heal and forgive and trust again. Even if the hurt comes from someone I am very close to.
- I cannot heal and forgive without God's help.
- For that matter I cannot do anything without God!
- Crying is good for the soul. Chances are if you cannot stop it, it shouldn't be stopped.
- I am so blessed to have such an amazing family - both traditional and friends.
- Just because I cannot feel Him, it does not mean I am alone.
- Money cannot buy happiness but a cute bag or pair of shoes does make me happy!
- That kind of happiness does not last.
- I know where true happiness comes from.
- Happiness is a lot of work!
- Being your authentic self is hard but so much better than the alternative. This one I am learning as a self-confessed people-pleaser. Luckily I have wonderful examples in my life.
- I am a family girl and being separated from them (immediate and extended) is very hard on me.
- I struggle with contentment. See #2o
- Sometimes raising your voice is acceptable but it should not be the go-to response.. unless there is a fire.
- Saying "I'm sorry" is not a sign of weakness but of great strength and can teach a child more than any amount of schooling or yelling ever could.
- Saying "no" is sometimes a very good thing.
- Do not get into the habit of saying "no" all the time.
- Surprise bubble gum is a very good thing!
- Parents who succeed and enjoy homeschooling are a great wonder of the world. I am not one of them. Again see #2.
- My kids are totally awesome!
There is so much more I have learned and that I am currently learning. Right now though I have to go get my daughter from school and maybe a latte on the way home for me. Coffee makes me happy too!