Today was K's first day of Kindergarten. It was sort-of anti-climactic. No tears or even a catch in my throat. We didn't even get inside the playground gate before she ran off, threw her backpack down and was making new friends. Moments later however, she came to us crying she had hit her head. Sure enough she had a dent in the middle of her forehead and a little cut. Her teacher took her to the nurse's office. I didn't even get a hug or kiss goodbye!
See the tiny bump right in the middle of her forehead?
Luckily as you can see she is just fine and luckily no ER visit or stitches were necessary. This time.
Steve struggled a little more with this being her first day of school. She has such a special place in her Daddy's heart.
Highlights from her day:
- New friends - can't remember their names
- Had two recesses
- Gets to meet even more new friends tomorrow
- Made a puzzle with her own hand print and got a sparkly, pink heart sticker on it.
Highlights for me:
- Being informed that she only missed us for a minute but then forgot to
- Big brother telling her he missed her (aww!)
Sadly today was shadowed by the situation with her older brother and the fact he has not yet been given a spot at her school. I do not understand open-enrollment. It seems to me only logical that if one sibling gets into a school, the others should too. I am sure there is some bureaucratic reason why they justify their system, but from my point of view it does not make sense. The last day for him to possibly get in is next Friday. After that we will choose a home school program and begin a new journey. One I am totally not prepared for and doubt I am capable of!
Our troubles with schools for Z began back in Kindergarten. From that point I have willingly and peacefully trusted God and have felt His hand and voice every step of the way. I clearly felt He was calling me to honor Steve's desire to no longer pay for private school. Everything went so smoothly until now. I just do not get it. It is so hard to watch Z struggle with disappointment and jealousy as he goes with me to take his sister to school but doesn't get to go. Even worse - the big kids are on recess at the same time.
And still as emotional and painful as this is for me I still feel at peace with our decisions thus far.
I know God is working and even though I cannot see the outcome or purpose, I know He does and that I truly do not need to worry about it. It occurred to me today that I am in a desert period of my life. It also occurred to me that there is a purpose greater than me or even my child's broken heart for this.
Two things came to mind in one of those driving-down-the-street-hits-you-out-of-nowhere-epiphany kind of ways.
1. Me in a desert.
2. I can externally be in a desert but still be filled with life giving water from the inside. (Temporal vs. Eternal - thanks in part to Kay Arthur I am grasping this!) I picture the tree beside the stream (Jer. 17:8) with its roots going deep into the ground where it is constantly "fed." Because I am in a desert my roots just need to be longer to reach the water I need. Convoluted? Possibly but it makes sense in my head and in my heart I know I am beginning to get it.